I’m sure you all are just on pins and needles waiting for our banquet pictures (just nod and smile- humor me). My ultra cool and fabulouso friend, Melanie the hair stylist, was ultra cool fabulouso and kind enough to glam me up. She took me makeup shopping as the few pieces of makeup I own pre date the formation of the universe. Saturday she dolled me up- I forgot how hot I am!

Then girlfriend did my hair. She flat ironed me for that super sleek Vidal Sassoon look then, well see for yourself…

Rushing home, (45 minutes late) I took all of 5 minutes to throw on my Spankies, backless boob tray, dress and heels. A quick round of pictures

and we were speeding towards a drunken stupor.
The banquet was held at The Royal Pacific Hotel stunning, just stunning. There was a 55 minute outdoors cocktail reception. 2 bartenders + 200 people = head to the back of the line as soon as you get your drink. Everyone was under the impression that the drinks were limited to this reception, the mingling thus consisted of chatting up those in line with you. DH was throwing back Jack and Coke.. I ordered “Something fruity and hard” The wonderful bartenders were more than obliged to help me out. Suddenly a trumpeting blast broke through the party candor - we were called to dinner via a conch shell! Lounging in our seats the bars rolled inside with us. There was a collective drunken cheer and the bartenders took brief bows. A thunderous beat filled the hall and a fat man with man boobies started dancing. Three slim and beautiful girls followed behind him shaking it for all they were worth. 20 minutes of nearly nude hula entertainment had the crowd whipped into a frenzy. I was quietly trying to figure out where I could find a pair of DD coconut shells. Our table was all smiles when a 50 something woman who reminded me of Greg’s mother on Dharma and Greg broke the ice with a lewd comment about the floral center piece “I don’t know if I can eat with that clitoris looking flower pointed at my plate!” Drinks sprayed from noses, women went pale and tittered, DH and I laughed so hard we almost hit the floor. The ice was thus broken. Dinner started coming in waves. Shrimp dumplings, baby spinach and pear salad, Baked chicken with red curry sauce served with sides of sweet potatoes and tomato salad, and finally dessert - a chocolate cheese cake sort of thing. I could not identify it at first. It was too thin to appear as cheesecake, it resembled a triangular wedge of shit.. poopy brown shit with a berry glaze. Thankfully it was not poopy pie and tasted delish. Awards were handed out, speeches were long winded and everyone started losing their buzz. All in attendance were given passes to City Walk A quick tag sessions with DH and a change of clothes later, we were on our way by water taxi! We bought drinks and wandered around a bit before heading into The Groove. I got my groove on and danced danced danced. I was there with DH (no dancing skills) and 2 of his work buddies (also lacking skillz). It didn’t matter, I was in my own world. I danced so long and hard my whole body aches today. My feet are bruised and swollen. I now remember that dancing used to do what Paxil does for me now. A few nights a week dancing and I was pleasant. I forgot to take my Paxil before we left and after heading back to the hotel room I had a crabby episode. DH was 8 double Jacks and Coke in so he doesn’t remember me throwing him out of the bathroom. And my god for $250 a night one would expect a bathtub that a normal person’s ass can fit into. We savored what sleep we managed to sneak in. It was nice not waking up to screaming or a finger in my eye. The evening was wonderful, it was so nice to be me, not who my kids need me to be. I missed them but still stopped to have lunch before stepping back into reality. For all you voyeuristic fans of mine CLICK HERE to see more pics