The Queen of Pink asked me a few posts back (CLICK HERE) what my favorite guilty pleasure is. At the time I couldn’t think of much I feel guilty about. Tonight as I worked my way through a bowl of chocolate frozen yogurt with rainbow sprinkles I figured out my favorite guilty pleasure. Jimmie… Well Jimmies or these days more well known as Sprinkles.

I try to avoid food coloring. My teeth set on edge and my skin crawls every time I have to add food coloring to something. Once a year ,when I make my red velvet cake, I cry as I pour in a full ounce of red dye. I know what sort of crazy stuff dyes do to one’s brain. Feed my nephew blue dye and you have a blonde haired blue eyed Tazmanian Devil on your hands. Jimmies ahh yes Jimmies “a wisp of sugar, oil, emulsifier and coloring.” I know they are better left to chronic smokers and crack whores who care not for their health but I love Jimmies. I would dance in them like dancing in a technicolor rain. There is nothing like smooth cold silky ice cream slipping over your tongue when you hit those luscious little speed bumps. It’s like a tongue orgasm. I know I’m not alone in this people. Stand up, be a man. Thrust your pectorals forward and shriek with delight as they roll your chilly ice cream balls in rainbow happiness. The world consumes about 50 million pounds a year, about 1.3 trillion sprinkles - give or take a few hundred million. If laid end to end, they would stretch 2.3 million miles, enough to circle the Earth nearly 100 times. I KNOW I am not alone! They make food so happy. You can’t possibly stay sad when faced with hundreds of colorful happy sprinkles. I love them so much I would roll in em. Kinda like this:

but with copious amounts of Sprinkles. This, of course, would probably produce “the beach effect” For you heartlanders who don’t know the beach, “the beach effect” is where sand gets in every crevice and orifice. You go home and are confounded when you shit sand and find it in your nostrils… Now just imagine it’s Jimmies instead… Wow, I’d be tye dyed! Can you imagine This:

spattered across my ass??