I have a wicked case of butt chafe. I went commando at the gym and felt it starting on the elliptical. By the time I got to the treadmill I was praying that my ankle would break and distract me from the pain of my flabby cheeks rubbing together. I’ve been walking like a cowboy today… Pacing really. I have an audition for the chance to enter an art competition that would mean cash prizes and local notoriety. Of course I’m trying to climb the walls but my poor butt is in such a condition. I powdered it with medicated powder and lit myself up - I about shot straight to the moon. Next Tessa somehow gets into my purse and eats a handful of cinnamon Altoids. While she may have enjoyed them going down it’s going to be holy hell fire blasting out her backside. She, of course, is to young to tie the two events together and I’m sure will continue to raid my purse whenever she can. 3 hours till I can leave, 2 hours till I should start getting ready - what the hell am I going to do to keep myself busy?