It has become quite apparent that my 3 yr old has inherited some of my creative tendencies. She can concentrate for hours coloring and seems to have developed a knack for sculpture. Here are two of her most recent sculptures. The first is comprised of Playdoh and Playdoh accessories. The second is made of Cheesy grits and grape vines.
My bathroom isn’t done.. If I need to go I have to crap next to the computer. Then when I am done, I must run outside wrench in hand to turn on the water… WHY WHY WHY? Because the Frickin pipe from the toilet is leaking. The husband put on a new fixture to prevent future leakage - well guess what folks the future is now. My lovely bathroom that was going to be functional by today, uh yeah- NOT. What was I thinking, nothing has gone right on the first try with this house. We has to redo the shower TWICE. Tiles popped up off the floor. The texturizing took multiple tries and now this. I am so freaking frustrated!
Troy’s “vacation” is fast approaching. 3 days of inhibited home improvements. To prepare we have removed the sink and cabinet, painted the upper 1/2 of the wall a lovely blue color and chosen a new sink and toilet. The next step is installing the old toilet in the future master bath so we have a pot to piss in.. Guess what? THAT is exactly where the computer is so we’ll be able to surf the net AND drop some friends off at the pool. It’s currently unair conditioned so there is a new rule for the toilet - no matter what color just flush it brother. I’m not one to enjoy the smell of pee mellowing at 97 degrees. Today we have someone stopping by to give a quote on stuccoing the house and I have thus far decided i hate every exterior house color combination that both Lowes and Home Depot present in the painting flyers…
I have an evil toe. It sits on the end of each foot. It spends it’s day plotting evil deeds like getting caught on door jambs. Aside from it’s evil activities I can tell it’s evil from it’s appearance. You see it’s no ordinary toe, the nail is a claw. Yes my pinkie toes nails are not nails at all. They are throw backs from evolution, tiny claws. If left unchecked they grow and thicken eventually falling off. To cut my toes nails I proceed as any normal human until the pinkie toe, then I must first cut my nail in half by thickness and only then can I trim for length. My nail bed also has grown into a triangular claw shape to provide me with radiating pain whenever I trim or lose the nail - more evil. Thus far my evil toes have been camera shy. I am hoping to capture a portrait soon, then you can judge for yourself.
This morning i stepped on the scale and it did something miraculous.. it said I weigh 205.5 lbs… i have now lost 6.5 lbs. - Ye Gods thank you very much!
A stranger farted on my head. I wish I was lying or telling a fish tail but sadly it is true. I was in Publix kneeling down to look at cough drops when I heard a whooshing noise. I rolled my eyes right, nothing. I rolled my eyes left, huge ass! Suddenly the smell hit me. My eyes teared up and I let out an involuntary gasp/chocking sound. The large ass scurried off and I was left on the floor wallowing in a stranger’s ass emission. As I teetered there, unable to escape the stench I pondered how this could have happened. It was almost like it was done purposely… Was she checking to see if I had a cold? Really I was squatting infront of sore throat remedies and last I knew that does NOT impede smelling. Did she sidle up to me expecting to lay a stinky on me or did it somehow escape?
On a side note.. Nothing like calling the doctor to make an appointment for someone who is seriously sick, only to be told that the soonest appointment is WEDNESDAY - god how I HATE our HMO
Texterizing hell, that’s is where we are this weekend. Trying to get the bathroom wall texturized has proved to be a chilling task indeed. When the wall came out looking like popcorn ceiling hubby went to town with the putty knife and scraped it ALL OFF while it was still wet! He is currently in there painting texture on the wall.. It seems to be working out better but this does delay my plans for having the bathroom painted by Monday.
The family has been taken down by an insidious summer cold. Hubby is drunk as a skunk off his whisky remedy which explains why he is painting on the texture(he hates to paint so the task usually falls to me). The girls are crabby and snotty and I seem thus far to be the only one that was hit mildly. Even the dog seems to have developed a barking cough.. Oh god the bad puns!
Today we were almost mowed down by a light gray truck. It pulled directly out in front of us. The Hubster, using his panther-like skills, drove up onto the sidewalk and almost into a pole. I needed to change my pants but we were otherwise ok.
Presentstorms just gave a lovely tour of her livingroom and I thought I would blantantly steal her idea and show you mine. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA. First stop is our ugly couch. This couch was a handme down from my parents. I believe my mom purchased it out of spite when my Dad refused to help her pick fabric for the couch. Despite it’s hideous fabric, it’s rather comfy - at least Tessa thinks so.
If you need a place to set your drink this mosaic table can handle it - look Ma no coasters! (ps I made the mosaic top).
What could be better then listening to some tunes while you relax? We’ve got a great record player we can throw some Elvis or Trinnie Lopez on.
If you crane your eyes upward you can take in my God wall which includes Ebay delights and homemade projects alike. Here’s a sampling
If you feel inclined to tickle the ivories while you are here be forewarned they are about 30 years out of tune. 
No house with kids is complete without toy central, ours is in the livingroom. As you can see, it’s ALWAYS a party around here
yes folks Chicken porn.. Someone was looking for barnyard lovin’ and wound up here MMMM MMM only in the south! (wink wink). Someone looking for a picture of someone “on the crapper” wound up here- I hope they enjoyed my pee pee picture. Lots of people looking for life’s answers searched “finding yourself” and wound up here (I hope at least SOMEONE was inspired) and finally someone who is either REALLY sick or REALLY fed up landed here by searching “fuck my kids” AHHH make me yearn for the days when I would get 8 “cod sack” hits a day.
