Do you know about Craig’s List? craig’s List is great. It’s free to list ads and is a great way to make a little side cash. I listed a few things on there recently, one being a new door. I spent half my day yesterday waiting… waiting… Oh and WAITING for this dude to come and get the door. The guy finally shows up, hideous man ring and all, and peels off $30 for the door. I bend down to move some toys from his path when Mira’s hollers “Nice panties Mama!” Everything went silent, the chirping bird, cars driving by, my breathing… All silent. I could hear myself blink it was so quiet. I reach around to find that indeed my pants are gapping a bit, nothing I would normally be embarrassed about. However this announcement has brought on a creeping blush that burned my face. When I looked up I saw that Mr Man Ring was also flustered and blushing like hell. I opened the screen door and he hustled as fast as one could while dragging a door.

Since announcing my cute strawberry patterned panties was obviously not embarrassing enough, Tessa took a crack at me while in Target. Just as we were paying, Tessa reached her arms up from the cart like she wanted a hug. I bent forward and wrapped my arms around her little body. She repaid this loving gesture by pulling my shirt down, exposing me from neck to belly. Of course there were several people standing in the photo line which faced my checkout lane, at this point I was praying Mira would divert their attention by bringing my panties to the forefront of the conversation again.

HNT seems to have caught on like wildfire around here. I look forward to producing future installments

My lovely darlings woke me up at 7:30 this morning, mommy was not amused. As the day wore on my lil fruit loops started going batshit crazy on me. Ahh yes, today turned into a park day.

Yes, my pretties, work off all that energy. Once the park equipment became less than enticing I pulled out the bubbles.


That lasted all of 5 minutes. We strolled around the park and lunched in the gazebo. We fed the ducks, geese and wading birds bits of our sandwich bread. Once finished we started off on the path. It was then we realized we were being followed… DUCK ATTACK! They waddled after us in hoards, the most brazen of the bunch was a one footed duck that hopped madly after us. As we RAN around the lake the ducks stopped following us - HAHA! Great luck… Oh no, no good luck today…. HONK HONK HONK I whipped my head around and realized that the Godfather of the Geese was after us and the others had fled in fear. He came at us with his beak open, hissing and honking. Mira panicked and stopped moving, he drew nearer and nearer eyeballing the apple in her hand. I grabbed it and chucked that apple like a live grenade into the lake. Godfather goose waddled after his spoils, quite pleased at having won the war.

Bastard.

You know it’s time for a trim when your underwear afro starts creeping outta your undies like the Black Crowes Amorica cover

It’s not that having some hair is bad, but honestly I don’t want to see it climbing down your leg and waving to me when you sit at the park with your legs gaping open - NOT a pretty sight.

I think I’m going to puke….
So I’m sitting at the computer when I hear Ms Tessa start wailing from her room. Ah yes, nap time is over. As I approached the door I hear her yelling “POOP, POOP!!” The door swung open and I found Tessa half way across the room wailing “POOP!” while she pointed her tiny trembling finger in my direction. I looked down and what did I spy? A great big poopy pie. Yes clumps of soft serve turd all over the floor. I grab my darling under her arms and more poop falls from her bottom- oh gack me… Off to the tub for a much needed rinse off. It took me all of 45 seconds to turn on the water and return to the scene of the crime. What do I find upon my arrival?
I found Pickles licking the floor clean… He ATE ALL THE POOP! Every last stinky morsel lapped up. I started dry heaving and fumbled my way back to the bathroom. Once I got myself under control I threw THAT dog outside because the last thing I need is my dog to vomit baby poop in my house. Pickles puked poop… While the literary headline would be stunning the actual events would be stomach churning since I am typically a sympathy puker.

Troy’s heinous body rash beast is now being tamed with heavy duty steroid cream. This worries me some as steroids can do some crazy shit. I’ve known steroid users with poochy nipple syndrome where their nipples have swollen up and blossomed into what might compare to a nursing mom’s nipple. Insane hair growth, weight gain, leathery skin… You get the picture. Now I spend my nights rolling around in a bed rampant with steroid cream residue. I fear what this may do to me.

me: Um so do I need to worry about sleeping in the same bed with you?
DH: Why?
me: well the whole steroid cream thing has be a touch concerned… I’m not going to grow another nipple or anything right?
DH: That would be so fucking cool
me: umm no see that would be gross
DH: but see you only have 2 hands and with 3 nipples you couldn’t guard them all MUHAHAHAHAHAHA
I’ve been so concerned that I decided to read up on superfluous nipples. I stumbled across what can only be described as THE handbook on 3rd nipples - CLICK HERE - So freakin informative. Later in the evening, out of the blue, the hubster brings up the nipple thing again :
DH: Hm, I wonder if you’d be able to lick your third nipple too or if it would grow in some place totally random like your butt crack or between your toes…
Gee he just knows how to make a girl’s heart pitter patter. If you are interested in more triple nipple fun CLICK HERE

You know you day will be rough when the first things you do are:
1) Eat a handful of M&Ms
2) Eat a handful of Midol

Last season we had a small harvest from our fruit tress. The hurricanes whittled down our pickings to 5 grapefruit and a couple of oranges. This year the trees have gone crazy with growth. The above bowl is filled with limes from ONE branch of our lime tree. I am now wildly searching for ways to enjoy my lime bounty. I will, of course, be making Key Lime pie (shhh! Don’t tell anyone I’m going to use our regular limes!) but I’ve been searching for a good drink recipe. We have 9 days till we have to call for insulation inspection and I’m thinking we need to throw a work party this coming weekend. What could be better than power tools and alcoholic lime beverages? I thought THIS ONE sounded promising as well as THIS ONE Oh Oh, I think I found a party winner THIS ONE MMMMMMMM oh yeah

Our Grapefruit tree is weighted down with tons of fruit. I can hardly wait. These are sweet sweet sweet. The first time I sampled one I literally thought that Troy had sprinkled it with sugar - they are just that good! I’m hoping this years crop will be as sweet. Sister-in-law has already decided that we’ll be juicing those babies and adding some good ole Vodka, mmmm fruitaholic.

Sometimes I wish I had boobs on my back - then I would get a back rub occasionally.

~*~*~*~**~*~

Mira’s evaluation was, well, it was something. I go back on the 22nd to find out if she qualifies for help.

!*!**!*!

Apparently, in my little town hard liquor can not be procured past 7pm on Sunday.

The past few weeks I’ve noticed a trend. My search engine hits are getting more and more tame. Oh sure I still get the occasional visitor looking for “Baboon ovulation pics” but more often than not it’s been quite mundane.

Mira decided to be a little smart ass. She was sitting at the table drawing when she announced that she wanted to show her picture to Daddy. I told her that she would have to wait till he got home. She said nutuh! And I just rolled my eyes. Damn if that cute little shit didn’t slide out of her seat and go find a picture of Daddy. She then stood in front of me and showed the picture of Daddy the drawing she had just done!

Mira’s second Evaluation is tomorrow. Thankfully I don’t have to take Tessa with us. I’ll post an update when I get around to it.

I am full of crap. No, honestly and literally. I rolled out of bed this morning and at one point weighed myself, 199.5lbs. I grumbled about how precariously close to 200 this was and continued on with my morning. I cleaned up the children and threw some food and juice in their general direction. My stomach belted out an operatic moan, rivaling the likes of Pavarotti. I broke into a cold sweat and ran to the restroom. OHHHHH YEAAAAA. That’s when the scale caught my eye. After dropping some friends off at the pool, I stepped back onto the scale. 197.5lbs, so you see my friends I truly am full of shit. And in the future when I don’t like what the scale says, I’ll just remind myself that my shoes weigh two pounds, as does my poop.