Do you see that? Do you? It’s positively disgusting. I hear the clamoring voices saying “Fidget, how can you say that’s gross when you’ve posted pictures of your own piss?” SEE HERE Well, for one, my pee picture was taken in my home, not some public toilet where untold number of anonymous asses have sat. Second, my pee WAS IN THE TOILET. Now thinking about sharing a seat with people I don’t know is pretty frightening but over time I have come to realize that thankfully I have an epidermis. It is an amazing organ. Not only can it produce disgusting things like pimples, it can protect me from contracting some funky ass disease left by someone else’s pimply ass. That being said why do the women of America feel the need to hover? Ignore the fact that you have your skin to protect you, why not fashion a paper barrier out of toilet paper, or an even crazier idea… Use one of those paper toilet seat covers they provide in the dispenser over the toilet? I mean I know this is wacky and way off base but am I the only one that derives no pleasure sitting in someone else’s urine? No after all the bitching it’s not some flesh eating bacteria or STD I’m afraid of.. It’s that unpleasant wet feeling… It ranks right up there with wearing wet socks. Anyways, back to the sprinkled toilet seat. Mira was jumping up and down like a drunken monkey screaming “I GOTTA PEE!” SO I scooped her up and charged towards the public restroom. We entered the “family stall” were we could both cop a squat (cue dueling banjos) when my plans were thwarted by the above sight - EW. Desperate, I found myself physically removing Mira from the toilet as soon as the tinkle parade stopped. I then had to limbo lower to get down on the kiddie toilet.. I’m not kidding look how low it is compared to the “normal” but still a little low for me seat

Being of lumberjack proportions (this is a direct quote from some shitty little mallrat who was walking behind me) you can imagine how interesting it was to piss with my knees by my ears. All of this could have been avoided if some stranger had just taken care to follow the golden showers rule “If you sprinke when you tinkle CLEAN IT UP!” Now admit it… Do you hover? If you do, why? Really I WANT to understand.

A little carnival cropped up in the parking lot of my local mall. It’s something that happens once or twice a year here. I decided that THIS time the kids were old enough to go. As we drove up Mira started shouting “I’m so happy, I’m so happy!” She was giggling uncontrollably and Tessa was pointing and squealing. First we hit the ATM because OUCH 40 tickets was 30 dollars! We started the girls out slowly on the flying bugs. That went so well we stepped it up a notch and all piled into the Dizzy Dragon. At first the girls found it exhilarating

But daddy went a bit overboard with the spinning and the mood rapidly declined. Tessa started yelling “Daddy I scared!” and making sad monkey faces. I got THE BEST sad monkey face but I’m totally saving it till HNT, you’ll have to check back! Mira was psyched and ventured onto the next ride all alone. It was this thing called the Kangaroo. It lifted little kiddles about 20 feet into the air and then rapidly dropped them . I thought Mira would dissolve into a screaming crying puddle but shit if she didn’t yell “Let’s do it again” as soon as the ride was over. Next we hit the Ferris Wheel where we got some great family shots

To cap off the evening the girls hopped on ponies and cruised the Merry-Go-Round. My camera started doing freaky stuff and I ended up with this haunting image of Tessa

OK, now that I’ve totally mommy goozed stay tuned for next week where I rant rave and rage about my unpleasant doctor visit and women who pee all over public toilet seats and leave it. Happy Weekend.

The Cat Crap Cake (see post below) was a big success. Once everyone got over the disturbing thought of eating something that LOOKS like a used litter box, everyone enjoyed it. Here’s my Nephew scooby snacking before we all dug in

My nephew’s costume was interesting. His mother spent a weeks worth of late nights sewing his costume only to be told “Mom, I look like a girl” She had made him a gladiator skirt and apparently it just wasn’t manly enough. Into his closet he went where he pulled together this gem. He’s wearing his Dad’s army issue hat, his moms army issue combat boots and dog tags. His official halloween costume was “psycho 80’s mercenary” but all the adults agreed that he looked rather like a Black Panther (aside from the whole blonde hair blue eyed thing)

Fight the power!!
That’s his lovely mom in the background, she was a Geisha girl

My little ‘uns were dressed as a princess

and a fairy

I was an angel, of course!

The best costume of the night goes to dear nephew’s dog Bonnie

The party didn’t really get going till almost 11 pm, it was then we caught Tessa at the keg and decided it was time to call it a night

How was your Halloween?

I got caught Scooby snacking (scooby snacks = cat turds in the litter box as most fidos have an affinity for those stinky lincoln log leftovers). I know, I am a disgusting gal. It’s a good thing I’m allergic to cats. If I had my own treat dispensers at my disposal 24/7 I’d be one fat scooby snacker.

Ok, I lied… It isn’t cat crap. I was actually feasting on Tootsie Rolls that I lovingly heated and reshaped into cat crap. Gosh I feel so Martha Stewart-y. Why the hell was I making tootsie roll turds? Well, Halloween is upon us and what better to place on the pot luck table at a Halloween party then an uber disgusting kitty litter cake

That looks so freakin tasty! I found the recipe HERE
If you are interested in creating a culinary delight sure to have vomit courting the uvula (hang ball thingy) of all your friends, then this is the recipe for you. Luckly despite is bad boy looks, its all tasty and sweet.

In other news I have become a Bloglord and so as not to appear a blog slum lord please clicky click and go visit CyberVassals Have your self a good old time and don’t get into too much trouble tonight. I’m expecting Halloween pictures from all of you - yes even YOU!