Sorry to get so serious on you folks but I need advice. It will not only save my sanity but hopefully the soul of a good kid who grew up with stupid notions, no expectations, sheltered, coddled, and jaded. As I mentioned upon my triumphant after Xmas return, that change was afoot in my household. My brother has come to live with us. Please read on as I need advice on how to handle this situation. Keep in mind that there is an 8 , almost 9 year difference between us and growing up I was forced into a mothering roll for him. I don’t want to mother him or make him feel like an ignorant ass - that is the environment he was raised him. He is afraid to do anything because he’s never been given a chance. Any project that one would expect a son to help his father.. My father would scream at him and do it himself. For god sakes my brother was swinging a hammer 2 handed while working for our friend installing wood floors!

My brother was removed from college by my parents. He basically went and screwed around his first semester. I can understand this, I did the same thing too. We BOTH were not ready to be out in the world and were quite tired of school. My parents gave no other option, I even asked to attend the local college part time and they vetoed that.. Same thing for him. Because I understand his situation I extended an offer to him. When I found out that the only other option he thought he had was enlisting in the military - a snap decision he thought up in run away from dealing with my Dad, I wanted to give him some place that he would have time to think clearly and decide if that is the RIGHT choice for him. My husband’s brother AND sister have both lived with us before, I know how hard it is but in the end it helped them get a foothold and both a doing ok now, I’d like to give my brother that chance.

The BIG difference is my brother is honestly a SPOILED BRAT with no concept about money, bills, or real life. He was raised this way, my parents sheltered him wayyyyy too much. I hadn’t realized the extent of it because I’ve been out of the house for almost 10 years. When I lived at home I was going to highschool, doing chores and working a job (at some points 2 jobs). I didn’t have a car and could not afford my license b/c the rate of insurance is insane in Boca Raton - that is the other part he grew up in Boca Raton Florida so his view of the world is more than just a little skewed. It’s hard not to be spoiled and reality stupid when the poorest kids at your school drive an old Lexus b/c dad cant buy you new one…

The deal was he could live here IF he helped my husband fix up our house, that would be his “rent money”. His first day here he was so grateful to be out from under my parents that he happily helped mix and pour some concrete. The second day he went job hunting and since then he’s been a spoiled pain in the ass! We got him a day gig as a helper for $9 an hour.. He worked 7 hours came home, complained a bunch, ate some dinner I made and went to bed. The next day DH had to practically drag him out of bed and he complained, ranted and raved about how sore he was and kept trying to beg off of working. My husband got so fed up he turned him loose. My brother thinks that 2 hours of helping is a “full day” around here.. DH has this week off and has needed lil bro to put in an actual full day (like 8 hours minimum).

That aside my father told him he had to start paying his car insurance which is $150 a month. My father then handed him $100 dollars so he could pay for gas and if he played his cards right have some money to put towards the bill that is due next week. After working for 1 day and I guess conserving some of that cash he has the $150 and seems to have quit looking for a job. My husband has talked to him about expecting to make MAYBE 20,000 a year if he works full time and my brother looked at him and says “I don’t know what that means” ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Additionally when quizzed on his living situtation at home we found out that he did NOTHING - not even cleaning his room or his bathroom… His reply? “I guess mom did it while I was at school.. I guess”

So now WE have to teach him not only the value of a dollar but what hard work means. We also have to undo this attitude that blue collar work is beneath him. He was bitching yesterday that what he was doing was “Mexican” work…. That stuff doesn’t fly around here, it wont be tolerated and I think he thinks we are joking! I can’t entirely blame him for his attitude it’s what he grew up hearing not only at home but everywhere in Boca… Blue collar is like a disease there. If people find out you are blue collar they want nothing to do with you unless something is broken.

How can we teach him these things without coming across as total oppressive assholes? I want him to walk away from my home wiser and maybe at some point realize that it has made him a better person…