Lately my house has been filled with fur balls and snot rags. For you allergyless and petless folks, there is no surer sign that spring has arrived. I have been wearing flip flops regularly since February but the nights were still could enough to warrant fuzzy socks (NEVER worn WITH sandal’s you blaphemous northerners!) Once the days creep into the 80’s and the nights stop falling below 60, the oak trees that line the front and back of my yard explode forth with a psychedelic yellow haze that curtains the car and packs my delicate nasal tissue with yards of gooey magic nose goblins. This year, we have all fallen victim.

At any given moment our house is a symphony of sneezes, sniffles, snorts and coughs. Our conversation topics have shifted to the comparing and contrasting of our mucus “oysters” which we dislodge from our throat immediately upon awakening. The kids have been spending more time then usual 2 knuckles deep and it’s beginning to affect their other activities.

My kids have never been very orifice fixated. Sure their finger is magnetically drawn into their nostril at the most inappropriate times, but spending 1/2 a day in such as manner has their little wheels turning, thinking about what else fits up there.

Yesterday morning I greeted the day when I fluttered my eyes open and discovered my two mischievous monkeys trying to shove a hanger up my nose - an unpleasant prospect had I been the one trying to insert it but now put this evil implement in the hands of a giggly 4 year old and a devious 2 1/2 year old. We’ll just leave the aftermath of this as a simple OUCH. Then this morning, Mira, miss priss of everything ew and yuck decided to cram a pretzel up her nose.

#1 Do not ask me where the pretzel came from

#2 Do not ask me how OLD said pretzel was

#3 Do not ask me why this seemed like a good idea to her

My first conscious memory this morning is of my darling husband yelling “No, no don’t shove it up further! Blow it out, blow it out!” - Tip top, just want I wanted to hear first thing on, this, our 5th wedding anniversary.

Happy anniversary baby, there is no one’s side I’d rather sit by while a doctor surgically removes a foreign object from the nasal cavity of one of my children.