It comes in waves
I would love to inject a bit of levity into your day. Recount how the valets disappeared with my car keys or how I find it amusing that my prescription says to take after “supper” but I’m having trouble keeping it up today.
Here at Find Yourself, we’ve been dealing with some heavy crappy crappity crap crap shit and it sucks. Thus far I’ve been doing ok, taking my own medical escapades in stride. Today I was hit with something that I knew was coming, yet crushing none the less. Mira has officially been diagnosed as PDD-NOS, which falls under the autistic spectrum. I was ready to hear those words but not for the realities of the situation. I worry about her and how she will cope in a unforgiving world when she has so many sensory integration issues. I worry about school, regular school.. once she’s out from the protective shield of VE preK, how will the rest of the school receive her. Will I scar her for life by putting her into a specialized charter school? Will it screw her up if mainstream integration is my goal?
When I became a mother I had to learn to forgive my own mother. There are things I feel she should have done differently but I now realize that she was actually doing the best she could. Not only did she have to deal with the circumstances that life laid out before her, but she had to deal with her own daemons and limitations. Interweaving these circumstances into a life with purpose and humility, while balancing your own personal needs with the needs of your children is no small task. I find myself standing at these crossroads now, and my knees are trembling….
April 25th, 2006 at 7:37 pm
Erin, you are such a strong person, your daughter’s have a wonderful mother. I wish you all the best. (((hugs)))
Melanie
April 25th, 2006 at 8:06 pm
Fidget ~
I’ve had many a great client with PDD NOS - just find a great program with lots of cool therapies and use your good mom judgment.
From what I can tell (your descriptions, etc.), it sounds like she functions at a really high level (sorry to be so technical).
However, I empathize with you - and I know stuff like this is tough to deal with - as a parent, with expectations for your child, questions about their future.
Email me if you want
April 25th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
Mira is such a sweet, spirited little girl and though she will have tough days, she will always have you as her perpetual example of how to be strong no matter what life throws at her!
April 25th, 2006 at 11:20 pm
That is really tough to read, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through it. I agree with the previous two posters–you are a great mom, and you will figure out how to deal with this fine. I know that doesn’t make it better. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
April 26th, 2006 at 12:28 am
You know that I’m here for you and that I’m riding the same waves. We’ll keep each other above water, okay? Huge hugs and lots of love.
April 26th, 2006 at 3:46 am
I have to tell you. I just started reading your blog but I so get the thing about your child. Within the last month, my youngest has been diagnosed as Highly functioning Mentally Retarded. And my son took 9 cough/cold pills because someone told him it would give him “energy”. And I remember all the things I thought my mother had done wrong with me, and realize, like you, that she did the best she knew how. And I keep forgiving her as I deal with each new crisis. Anyway, keep your head up!
April 26th, 2006 at 4:11 am
It is hard having special children but you learn so much about yourself and the inner strenght that you have it is amazing. My son has a physical defect but his life has taught me so much as I am sure your daughter will teach you. I am sure that some day she will understand that you are doing your best for her.
April 26th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
Hey Fidget,
My son had autism too. So I know first hand the choices you are facing. Because I don’t know you or your bundle of love, I won’t offer any advice other than this: Go with your mommy instincts. They won’t be wrong.
If you need to talk, email me. Hang in there.
April 27th, 2006 at 5:10 pm
Just wanted to let you know that we are thinking about you, never really have the good words when you need them…
April 27th, 2006 at 9:03 pm
Fidget, this is my first visit to you. I’m sorry that you are facing such uncertainty. One of my favorite bloggers also has a child diagnosed as PDD-NOS - Karianna. And my closest friend here in CO has also requested an evaluation for her son.
I wish you and Mira the best, and I look forward to checking back in with you.
April 29th, 2006 at 10:32 pm
All the peace, love and serenity I have are yours. Stay strong, and patient.
Keep on keepin’ on~