Weekend Confessional
Step right up folks, the time for atonement is upon us, set your spirit free! We all have moments we’re not proud of, no matter how hilarious we fear sharing them with the bloggosphere because they are our secret shame. Let us shine the light, let these truths fall from our lips and let us celebrate in our humanity and cleanse our souls (jazz hands).
Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned, it has been 2 weeks since my last confession. In the last two weeks I have been guilty of many transgressions but none so heinous as what will be known from here until eternity as “The Cracker Caper”
For the last few weeks I have been ailing with allergies and asthma, my body wracked by a horrible cough. While standing in the grocery store I was suddenly seized by one of these spells. I began wheezing and gasping, a gross gurgle emitted from my mouth as the cough burst forth from deep inside my lungs. I inhaled sharply and tried to stem the coughing by allowing only tiny breaths to draw in and out. My shoulders shook from the effort and my mouth exploded open coating 800ft of groceries with my mouth matter. Blazing through the air in the center of this saliva shower was a huge globular loogie. It crashed into the cracker display with an audible splat. Time stopped as I stared in horror. I slide my eyes to the left and then the right, with no obvious witnesses I simply patted the corner of my mouth to check for evidence and walked away.
Oh God, I feel better having told someone and if you happened to be the unlucky recipient of that cracker box, I’m truly sorry… Maybe you can sell it on eBay. The confessional booth is empty, step inside….
April 28th, 2006 at 2:43 am
That is funny shit there. Seriously. You totally rock, snot and all.
April 28th, 2006 at 10:24 am
Found you via blogmad and wanted to let you know I think you’re GREAT and as such have slotted you onto my steadily building favourites list!! xxx
April 28th, 2006 at 11:28 am
yet another suggestion as to what to put on a ritz…mmmmm loogie and cheese!
April 28th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
Just wanted to say thanks for renting to me for the week!
April 28th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
Maybe your loogie landed on the cracker box in the shape of Mother Teresa and whoever sells it on Ebay will be multi-millionaires!
I laughed so hard one time I spewed Coke on some people - the part I must confess is that I blamed it on my 2 year old! I’m such a terrible mother!
April 29th, 2006 at 12:21 am
I was shopping with my best friend and her two year old daughter. We had just went out for lunch and were wrapping up the afternoon with grocery shopping. I had horrible gas, so while I was pushing the cart with the kiddie in it, I let ‘er rip. You would have thought something crawled out of me and died in the toothpaste aisle, it stunk so bad.
When my friend came over to me and sniffed she just about passed out. I blamed the ferocious smell on her daughter. I am a bad, bad girl.
Not as bad as horking loogies on the cracker box though!
April 29th, 2006 at 3:38 am
Found you on blogtopsites. Funny post! My latest transgression was watching my dog poop on the sidewalk and walking casually away. I forgot to bring a baggie with me. whoops.
April 29th, 2006 at 6:37 am
Man. That’s hysterical!