Why Mommy Drinks
Have you ever seen the baby/toddler shirts that say “Daddy Drinks Because I Cry” ? They are adorable and funny in a very true way. Crying can certainly lead to hair pulling and impromptu prayer from me but is less likely to make me reach for the bottle than some other things.
After yesterday morning and faced with 4 hours (yes four) of laundry folding, one might assuming that bottle of wine I was eyeballing would be toast. Thankfully, it is still sitting there, waiting for me. You see, I decided I needed to make a break for it and address some boob issues, namely they keep growing. Half way through my cycle every month they swell to mammoth proportions, spilling out of the cups. I am totally in boob denial 99% of time. I still have myself convinced that one day I might be back in a D cup… bwhahahahahaha yeah right. While standing naked with fluorescent lighting highlighting every dimple, dapple and roll would easily qualify one for a direct vodka infusion it is oddly enough, not what is driving me to drink… Tessa is.
My darling husband drifted off to sleep for about 15 minutes while I was gone (can you see where this is going?) Tessa is one of those kids that you simply can not leave alone, trouble should have been her middle name (oddly enough had Tessa been a boy the name Wilder was under consideration… it would have fit perfectly). During that 15 minute period Tessa managed to destroy my hallway. I came home to this:
and this 
and worse. If you’d like to point and laugh at me some more you can even watch the video, pardon the low lighting I was so angry I didn’t think about film quality:
What is even more ridiculous is that this is a repeat performance. Last November Tessa decimated $125 worth of library books, and in the midst of the carnage was my night stand, the floor, the bed skirt and several other things (See original post HERE ) . I’m thinking that I could make a whole lot of money if I developed a tranquilizer dart gun preloaded with kid friendly doses. That way mid-scribble you squeeze off the shot and drag the carcass away, leaving you to cuss and clean up in peace.
Did I mention that i JUST painted this hallway less than a month ago ? (sob)
April 30th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
Okay my dear..I have two words for you MAGIC ERASER! It is fantastic!
April 30th, 2006 at 9:46 pm
Sadly the Magic Eraser has FAILED me!! I am the biggest fan of the Magic Eraser and it’s just not doing a damn thing this time (sob sob sob)
April 30th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
Oh NO! There is a paint called KILZ that will cover it right up (even though you have to paint over it)
Oh the joys of children
May 1st, 2006 at 1:04 am
Oh for god sakes.
However, what is the boob-wine connection??
May 1st, 2006 at 1:17 am
Kristen.. i think i was rambling.. but the whoel boob thing was why I was out of the house.. the wine thing was because yesterday at 8 am i was eyeballing the wine but managed to hold off. After today’s incident i’ve been thinking of cracking open the bottle
May 1st, 2006 at 1:23 am
Lord.
I’m speechless.
May 1st, 2006 at 2:49 am
girl, been THERE. mr. clean magic eraser. and lots of alcoholic beverages. haha..
thanks for your comment on my site— I appreciate it.
May 1st, 2006 at 2:56 am
Wow, I can’t believe Magic Eraser isn’t working. It actually took blue sharpie marker out of my family room rug.
I’m sighing over here for you.
May 1st, 2006 at 3:13 am
You poor woman!!! I try and keep the markers locked up and so far it has worked but I know that something like this will happen to me sooner or later.
May 1st, 2006 at 4:26 am
Now I know why you wanted to consider the melon baller. Haha…but seriously my kid can’t be left alone too and while he doesn’t drive me to drinking, he will soon drive me to an early menopause! And meanwhile, I munch on chocolates to keep myself sane…
Your boobs are growing still? Are you still breastfeeding? Mine has shrunk a cup since I stopped.
May 1st, 2006 at 10:43 am
MAGIC ERASER didn’t work..hmm try it with a bleach water mixture that might work…at least it did for me…and make HER help..I did to Elizabeth and it was the last time she marked on the walls…she still marks on everything else but hey Lizzie:443 Becky: 1
May 1st, 2006 at 3:48 pm
Oh dear.
I would be into the sauce, too.
I’m usually covered in Sharpie marks (hazard of the culinary trade)… I’m going to research what removes that, besides the Magic Eraser.
I like your food blog. Any chance you may continue with it?
May 1st, 2006 at 4:21 pm
Oh. Dear. God. I say “F*ck it”, at least for a little while and break open the wine, or vodka. BTW, you can send some boobs my way, I got nothin’. I do have lots of extra ass though, if you need any.
May 1st, 2006 at 5:13 pm
That’s soooo not funny. ~snicker snicker~
Gewurtz here I come! Your daughter is decorated, too. At least she wasn’t left out. That’s thoughfulness there!
First I will offer my worldly wisdom that a mother of four will gather over the years:
Sharpies are made by the Devil. I am sure of it. Kilz primer is the only thing that can keep that from showing through the new layer of paint that you will indeed need. (another refill?)
Lastly, Magic Eraser works wonders but if it’s crayon on the walls, washable or not, non sick cooking spray works amazingly well. If it’s markers refer to #1 after first round of drinks.
I love your blog and will be back…
May 1st, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Magic eraser!
May 1st, 2006 at 6:25 pm
I’ve got some nice artwork on my walls also. I’m definitely going to have to try the magic eraser.
May 1st, 2006 at 7:21 pm
I have a Tessa, only her name is Iris and girlfriend, I know what you’re talkin’ about. I swear, there is never a dull moment around here either.
So sorry for the artwork all over your walls. That SUCKS!
May 1st, 2006 at 8:00 pm
Wow, I am not at all sure how I would handle this. I immediately started snickering as i was reading your post and then realized that i am damning myself to a similar fate. Stay tuned for a post about 2 years from now.
May 1st, 2006 at 8:03 pm
I think that is a TERRIBLE design for a room. How you think you can win the contest by simply glopping magic marker graffiti all over it is beyond me. Maybe your so-called “FRIENDS” over at that sweepstake site will vote for you (cheaters!!!), but I’m voting for the monkey room. SO. THERE.
May 1st, 2006 at 9:48 pm
Quite the little Picasso you are raising there. Try to look at the bright side, maybe you still have left over paint to cover up the mess?
Have a drink. On me. Lord knows you’ve earned one.
May 1st, 2006 at 9:49 pm
hahahaha How can you be mad at those little angels? They are SO cute!
May 1st, 2006 at 10:06 pm
One day you will watch that video and laugh your ass off. Or at the very least, show it to her kids after the draw all over her walls. Hope you can get it off ok.