Wet Ones is a product that I have bought religiously since I’ve had my own car. I love that it fits right into the cup holder. The top flips off with little fuss; it’s an easy one handed grab away from cleaninville- pure heaven right? Last Friday my sparkling product nirvana took a disturbing turn.

I’m sitting in the car, ready to throw it into reverse when Tessa lets out a mighty “AAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOO” I can hear the moist nose action as it erupts on her face- YUM, a 3 foot long bloody snot rocket is dangling from my darling’s nostril. “Hazah! I have just bought a new container of Wet Ones, good thinking!” I pry the lid off and pull out a fresh one to mop up the magic nose goblin carnage. I then decide I’ll take the extra few minutes to feed the wipes through the dispenser top for easy access in case we replay this scene in traffic.

There are specific directions which I take care to follow lest I end up the dunderhead for whom the warning

DO NOT PUSH FINGER THROUGH OPENING

was written for. I mean, come on, who the hell would push their finger through the feeder hole which has 4 very sharp flaps to hold the wipes aloft? I insert the triangular thing-a-ma-doo-wacky through the shredder hole of finger death and pull upwards to bring the wipe out.. No dice, the wipe keeps slipping. I rethread the triangle 5,000 times with the same end result. Instead of hurling the canister out the window and running it over I decide to make one last pass (isn’t this always where these stories takes a bad turn?)…

I brace my finger on the underside of the container, pinning the very tip of the wipe, as I draw the triangular wipe threader up. YES! The wipes are now threaded and read for easy dispensing.. Wait.. What’s that? OH MY GOD!! BLINDING SEARING PAIN!! Yes folks, my finger some how slipped during the process and was thread through too. Making the situation worse? I was stuck. The lid rested around my first knuckle and my finger was rapidly turning white. I tugged, I shimmied, I ran into the house screaming like a maniac. Troy comes running, thinking I’m on fire, stops dead and starts chuckling. He starts to tell me how silly I am and then realizes that it won’t move and with every attempt to wiggle, slide and pull I scream louder and my knees weaken, threatening to collapse beneath me. He grabs the kitchen scissors and carefully sets me free. My poor finger was battered, my heart was racing 100 miles per minute and I was fairly certain that I crapped myself (later investigation revealed that I did not crap myself but rather simply had a cow).

The next day I fell compelled to tell the company about my experience. They sounded completely shocked and utterly sympathetic. In a gesture of friendship and good business practice they offered me a few free coupons… for the SAME death trap of a product!

(you can click to enlarge and see the full fledge owieness

Consider yourself warned.

PS I just received some shocking, exciting and scary news. Please keep me in your prayers and I will let the cat out of the bag soon, I promise (it has nothing to do with the contest I was entered into, the winner for that wont be announced for a few weeks yet).

Yes, those pox; the pox of the chicken variety. Tessa has precisely 4 pox. 3 large ones on the upper back part of her arm and 1 tiny pox on her back. Yeah, that’s it. She, however, is still fairly miserable due to the severe ear and sinus infection she has. Gah.

The pox have driven my mother and sister from staying overnight. I saw them for dinner tonight and my mom will be visiting tomorrow while my sister is at orientation. My house is still a partial disaster since I have been holding Tessa nonstop and pissed away Monday evening at the walk in clinic / waiting at the pharmacy.

Tomorrow I promise to be more entertaining. Actually I will be freakin’ hilarious as I relate my most embarrassing moment of the week. One that far surpasses puking into a leaky Wendy’s bag at the same time as someone we knew pulled up next to us at the stop light. It involves my finger in a rather precarious situation.

That is a picture of PART of my laundry pile and the second one is of my “guest” bedroom…. Which will be occupied.. TOMORROW.. By my (incredibly neat freakish and not always so kind with the comments about my housekeeping) MOTHER and sweet (read incredibly fun but bitchy in a stuck up Boca Raton, the world owes me everything, eeew you don’t have cable kind of way) little sister!! When did I find this all out? FIVE minutes ago. Shit on a stick, crap on cardboard. The Mo’Nique contest ends Friday at 3 am and I have to spend the next 2 days entertaining my mother while my sister is at college orientation. Normally I would be all giddy and stuff that they are visiting, we hardly see them but damn it just had my wisdom teeth yanked, my house is a mess, I’m embroiled in this whole mo’nique thing which requires constant self pimping and all my crap which has no other home because the house isn’t finished is crammed into the guest room

ACK!!! NOOOOO

Help me, please.

We have all been floating out in this lovely blogger universe, spreading the gospel of poopy diapers, lactation, farting, recipes, products we love, television shows, music, pictures, bloopers… LIFE. For many, like myself, blogging has become a daily ritual, a way to reach out to the world at large and know you are heard.

Maybe we were too content, always expecting to log on and see what we want. Figuring the only obstacles would be an occasional server outage or a dreaded virus. These days much more threatens us. Our connection with the world at large, our ability to gather information, our pathway to education, sharing and understanding is on the brink of being narrowed.

Net Neutrality at this moment is being threatened. savetheinternet.com presents compelling arguments that should rouse every blogger from their contented slumber.

Congress is pushing a law that would abandon the Internet’s First Amendment — a principle called Network Neutrality that prevents companies like AT&T, Verizon and Comcast from deciding which Web sites work best for you — based on what site pays them the most. If the public doesn’t speak up now, our elected officials will cave to a multi-million dollar lobbying campaign.

This means that small time blogger like myself and the hundreds of thousands of other out there could be entirely shut out of the market unless we pay a premium to all the separate internet providers. Additionally if Net Neutrality is not preserved all the small specialty sites will be over run by mass conglomerates in a way that closely echoes the storming of small towns by Walmart. The internet was the last safe haven for a small business. All those Mamas out there with hip sites, dedicated to our taste will be relegated to the internet back burner. People wishing to buy from them with have to endure painfully slow load times, making shopping more aggravating and possibly complex as your browser times out. Check out the save Save The Internet website, sign the petition and make it priority one to stay in the know about this issue. They have a very informative video about Net Neutrality, for a more light hearted explanation check out this video

If you haven’t voted yet, PLEASE vote for me in the MoNique Fat Chance Users Choice Contest, we are down to the last week. The $10,000 would be well received here. Splitting it between specialized therapies for Mira’s autism as well as helping us finish up our house (which has been under construction for two years). Remember by voting and confirming your registration you’ll be entered to win a Video Ipod (your confirmation email might end up in your bulk email file) so please

and if you have already voted - Thank you, please spread the word!!