In the future never indicate that your child is late for school because you screwed up. Always make up an imaginary appointments, fib and say they felt ill, or claim that THEY overslept. Admission to any other reason may cause others to stare at you in a shocked manner, raise both eye brows nearly off their head, or cause a repetitive “tisk-tisk” episode that could easily spiral out of control.

When I pulled up to Mira’s school 30 minutes later, her class was sitting outside in the middle of a fire drill. It was nice to see her classmates cheer as she approached them and I sheepishly admitted that we were late because I fell back asleep (in my current pregnant state I could not imagine this to be an unforgivable transgression). The teachers eyebrows shot up and disappeared into her hair line, the guidance councilor who was assisting shook her head seemingly ashamed for my daughter and some other grown-up whom I did not recognized tisked me!!

I shuffled off to the office to sign her in tardy and get a hall pass to walk her to class. I looked over the tardy book and noticed other’s reasons

“appointment”
“appointment”
“feeling ill”
“appointment”
“ill”

I have duely noted this for the future and wonder if instead of telling believable lies maybe I should go for gold. I think telling the school you were late because your “cat was on fire” or that “hover craft ran out of fuel” at least injects some levity into the otherwise cheerless lives of the office staff.

Current Main Area Colors

This is where our living room and hallway meet. Once construction has finished the living room will be converted into our dining room.

This is the kitchen color and it also butts up to the bright yellow. This is going to be shifted to a lighter more neutral color. When we redo the kitchen we will be adding a tile back splash and won’t need such boldness.

Proposed Color Palette

The green on the end will be the first room as you enter the house - our reading/ parlor room. This will open up into the earthy reddish orange which is the dining room. The dining room meets up with the hallway which will be the light buttery yellow and the color will extend into the kitchen. From the kitchen you will step into the family room area which will be the deeper dusky yellow color (this room will feature beadboard around the bottom half of the walls for easy clean up)

Monday morning the last fat yellow sticky pill rolled down my throat, my last progesterone supplement. Today I take a deep breath and pray. I am 12 weeks and 1 day pregnant.

This humorous baby ticker is brought to you by the good folks over at baby-gag.com who enlisted the help of The Sarcastic Journalist to bring you a zero mush pregnancy ticker option. Perfect for us black sheep mothers who’s kids don’t fart roses.

In other news we have picked tile for the master bathroom and have a pretty good idea what vanity we are going to order. The insulation inspection is tomorrow and walls should soon follow. I am wrangling with a new color palette, trying to decide how I want the house to flow together. We are moving away from bold primaries and moving towards full bodied earth tones. The addition has all new windows and in the next few weeks we should be getting a fireplace inset installed. I’m giddy just imagining the possibilities, it all seems attainable now. I wonder though in the end will it have been worth it? This house has eaten my brain and soul. I am trying to get amped for making decorating choices instead of loathing this place. I’m hoping as things come together I can let go of all the negativity and allow myself to heal from the stress of this house and some of the not so good things that have happened here.

I found an old copy of “How To Clean Practically Anything” resting on top of my computer monitor… Do you think it’s a hint?

that if you are allergic to wheat and you stop eating wheat for a few days that toasting your gluten free bread in the family toaster can make you sick. Nay, not just sick but can drop you like consuming a plate of salmonella laden chicken would.

I have bought my own toaster which is clearly labeled “GLUTEN FREE”

Today I am cleaning out my freezer, fridge and cupboards. Would anyone care for some poison wheat based products?

I think my family may have to go gluten free with me.

Please make a note:

Should you decide since the kids are holed up on the opposite side of the house with a movie blaring at Mach 5, that it would be safe to yell

“Holy Mother Fucker Of God! Where IS the god damn cumin?!?!”

it is not in fact safe, but rather the precise moment that your large white dog will push open the door between the front porch and kitchen. At the exact moment your pooch pushes open the door and you are busy cussing out your spice cabinet, a neighbor stands poised to ring your bell. She comes to inform you of the tent revival her church is holding, one that she now REALLY hopes you can attend. Obviously you will be unable to argue that your soul is well tended too.

That is all.

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Apparently

I’m the only one around here

suffering

Happy HNT, here’s hoping your nights are as restful as my family’s

I have been lost today, drifting around town desperate to keep my mind off of cakes, pies, hoagies and pizza. Success, however, was short lived and I found myself fondling frozen waffles. I’m sure passers by were perplexed, after all it’s not normal to see a grown woman clutching granola to her chest and bawling.

For years I have had a horrific searing pain in my abdomen, not unlike being jabbed in the gut with a branding iron or extremely pointy knife. At various times it has been a nuisance and on occasion it has landed me in the ER. I have had cameras jammed down my throat, fingers prodding that which should only be an exit and suffered the indignity of pooping on cardboard- all to no avail. The pain seems to flare up with no rhyme or reason, rendering me useless for hours at a time. Sometimes I will endure it daily, other times it won’t make an appearance for 6 months. Generally I enjoy a reprieve while pregnant.. Not this time.

After the careful examination of my knees which occurred while I was doubled over in pain during the last 4 days I came to 2 conclusions:
1) I need to shave my knees more carefully, there are some freakishly long hairs
2) I need to solve this stomach situation STAT
My lovely doctor worked me in immediately and then threw me some of the worst news a frozen waffle fondling, cupcake coveting, french fry fiend such as myself could hear: It might be a gluten intolerance.

Do you realize that there is gluten in EVERYTHING? Ok maybe not everything, I’m pretty sure apples and bib lettuce are gluten free but things like soy sauce, salad dressing, chicken broth, double fudge chunk brownie ice cream, and 100% of the bakery are now on my no no list. My blood was drawn today but apparently the blood test can be a bit sketchy so regardless of the result she wants me gluten free for at least a month to see if my symptoms settle down. While the idea of relief makes me smile, the cold harsh reality of fighting pregnancy cravings is another matter entirely. Please send prayers… or better yet gluten free cinnamon buns with apple pie filling slopped all over the top.

ps gluten occurs in wheat, barley, rye, and oats (due to the fact they are processed with gluten laden grains). For a more comprehensive idea of my absolute no-no list check this out and weep for me.

I have always surrounded myself with books. Fiction, non fiction, how to, picture, cooking devouring the information and entertainment sandwiched between the covers. When I found myself floundering in the new role of “Mom,” it seemed only natural to turn to books. First it was pregnancy books: What To Expect When You’re Expecting, From Here To Maternity, A Child Is Born. Then Dr Sears started creeping in, as did books on breast feeding.

As my first daughter grew and became a challenge I turned to books like Raising Your Spirited Child, finding comfort and kinship in the pages. Most recently I have been devouring books on PDD-NOS and Autism Spectrum Disorder. Unfortunately I haven’t found many answers, just questions. And as I sit here surrounded with books on being a better parent, I have to wonder: Am I making matters worse?

Right now I need to tackle the issue of sibling rivalry. I know that it is a natural and necessary practice for each of my children to hash out their place and identity, I also know that if I don’t get a break from the squabbling, my head may will explode. My husband scoffed as I searched Amazon for anything that looked promising. “The key is, to united them against something. We (meaning him and his siblings) were united in fear and anger. We grew close, looked out for one another and are best friends now.”

I thought about my childhood and it did seem to make some kind of twisted sense. My siblings and I were never really united against any great force. We didn’t often come together and only now are we really beginning to develop strong friendships with one another.

The Hubster’s great plan is PUNISH THEM BOTH. It does not matter who started it, it does not matter why it started, as soon as they start fighting PUNISH THEM BOTH. I have to admit my trepidation over this plan. It’s not in ANY of the books! I would have to rise to the status of super evil mother to pull this one off folks and I’m not sure if I am yet capable of that. I thought super evil mother would not have to make an appearance until the dreaded teen years. I thought I had another 9 or 10 years left to groom super evil mother for her debut. When I expressed my reservations about the plan, he blinked at me a few times, “I’d rather them spend the next 20 years hating me, then each other”

Fresh Fidget, hot off the keyboard at Props and Pans , Izzy Mom’s new brain child. Hopefully you can look forward to hearing more from me over there! Go check it out.

In other news worthy sites Glamorosi has exploded onto the blogging scene with her hip, charming, and utterly engaging jewelry. She’s running a contest this week so click on over for a chance to win something amazing.

Cool Mom Picks is another site I have been frequenting lately. They point clueless moms like myself in the general direction of kick butt products that smack of style and practicality. I’m also hooked because several times a week they have give aways and most featured products have a special discount code for coupon clippin mama’s like myself.

I’m probably the last person to blog about this one but in case you’ve missed it The Shape of a Mother offers an incredible view into the private world of stretch marks, saggy boobs and baby pouches. It’s one of those things you KNOW others have to be dealing with, but damn they hide it so well!

And where do those stretch marks, saggy boobs and pooch bellies come from? Babies of course! Over at Birth Stories you can read all about babies making their entrance into the world. I love reading about those first moments of eye contact between a baby and mama. In my pregnant state I often have to sit down with a box of tissues.

When you stop by let them know that Fidget sent ya!