I wear makeup once, maybe twice a year. I’m not anti makeup I just don’t have time to fuss with it, nor can I remember to keep my hands off of my face. As an au natural Mama I thought I would enjoy a few privileges, the main one being a reprieve from the children getting into said makeup…..

Yeah, I was wrong. I have NO CLUE where she found this lip stain, hell I forgot I even owned it!

Belly portrait at 17 weeks.
Practically everyone has commented this week about how I’ve “fallen out” or “popped out.” Now that there is no mistaking it, the hands have started gravitating to my bump. In a little over a week I go to see the high risk doctor and will get another ultrasound. I am SO EXCITED.

On the not so exciting front, I am facing some tough decisions regarding Mira and her education. She’s not flourishing this year and seems to be regressing. Eye contact is down, she’s mumbling more. She’s surly at home and has panic attacks in the morning before school. She does not like to talk about school and quite frankly is just depressed. My heart is hurting for her and I’m going to have to take steps to correct the situation- one’s that may further throw her into a tailspin with the hope of bringing her out of the situation and into a happier and more productive environment. Wish me luck.

12:10 and I’m tearing through the back roads singing my heart out when I get ambushed by Social Distortion:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zh67nklWHfM]

I start belting “Take away, take away, take away this ball and chain, well I’m sick and I’m lonely and I can’t take anymore *sob*” I lost it. Full on wailing, the thought of having this whole life and still dragging that weight around. I wept for this man because I have known those feelings. I wept for this man because I am ginormously pregnant- long distance, feminine hygiene, and Kodak commercials send me spiraling out of control and diving for the Kleenex box. I cry when someone drinks the last juice box or when the very polite timer on the dryer dings ever so softly and scares the crap out of me. The Hubster can’t help but laugh at me, heck I don’t blame him but it still makes me cry harder.

When I’m not busy spilling tears, I’m eating or yelling. Often I am doing both at the same time so food particles launch out of my mouth and then I weep for my lost food. The old joke about sending the husband out at 2 am for chop suey and watermelon, really isn’t a joke. Last night for dinner I ate an entire head of steamed broccoli and a bowl of Rocky Road ice cream… Then I cried because we were out of hot fudge sauce.

(Click to enlarge)

This is my latest finished collage. It’s an 8×10 on canvas board. I was excited to see this one develop. The featured bird has been hanging around in my ideas drawer since 2000. He started as part of this huge poster sized oil bar piece that refused to come together as I envisioned it. I clipped out the bird, saving him and since then he has haunted me. I’ve reincarnated him and yet he was still there, bothering me. I doubt I’ll ever drop him entirely as a theme- there is something intriguing and almost sinister about him. In Baby Blue he comes together with this sweet little vintage soul, who came to me through a friend (FiggyFigg) courtesy of Ebay.

PS No we still don’t know the sex of the baby so this isn’t some kind of sly hint. Believe me, as soon as I know I’ll be shouting it from the roof tops. Today I wont get to find out but I will get to hear the baby’s heartbeat again and maybe get something to help clear up my sinus infection.

Do not be surprised if people flee the storage bin isle of Target when you are examining a small 3 drawer Rubbermaid container and musing aloud “I wonder how many needles will fit in here”

At the time I had no idea why everyone was scattering. I sniffed thinking someone dropped a fart bomb (I know, I SNIFFED! You’d think I’d do the opposite but it’s like when someone makes a face and then tells you to smell something - you know you can’t NOT smell it). Then I realized what I said may have seemed a bit unusual for the typical Target storage bin purchasing crowd. Of course around my home these days, we are constantly wondering if it can and if so how many can it hold…..

I’m going to be realistic about this considering that it is currently on my front porch in 9,999 pieces. In a few months my kid will have THE COOLEST bed

Aren’t you green with envy? I know I am!

I swept my ceiling this morning. I think that bears repeating - I swept my ceiling this morning. Never mind the 2 months worth of unfolded laundry or the fact that my kitchen could use a wipe down, those are unimportant at this exact moment. My “nesting” instinct has already started kicking in and is currently kicking my ass. Many women start off my making the house spic and span, only then move onto large projects. Not me, nope. I am fixated on things I can not do under my current doctor ordered restrictions. I want to paint every room, disassemble furniture, move beds, give/throw away closets full of things… just typing about it is making my head spin and my girl parts get all warm with excitement. My patience is wearing thin with all this construction - it needs to be done NOW NOW NOW. I want to put together a nursery. I want to suck every dust mite and possible mold spore from my environment and hermetically seal my home. I’ve been considering Glad Press and Seal coats for my dogs to reduce dander and fur shedding.. or Nair. I have to go, the piano is mocking me. It knows I want to relocate it against an interior wall, it also knows I’ve been threatened against moving it, even though it technically has wheels… damn piano. Sigh. I guess I’ll go work on whittling down Mount Saint Washmore and weep with want over those newly mixed cans of paint.. just sitting there… waiting….

With my hands positioned at 10 and 2 on the wheel I looked like I was gyrating to the beat, but no, not really. Alas my body was spasming. I must be one of the worst patients to medicate. I’m sensitive to so much, I’m sure I’m a research scientist wet dream. No more Claritin and No more lovenox for now. I’m back on Heparin for my blood thinner since I had no problems with it last go around. Switching meds is fine, it’s having to have shots 2x a day instead of one that has me in a tizzy. Every evening around 8 or 9 I get foamy mouthed with nervous anticipation. Now I can do the same around 6 am. All of this has been kept in perspective by the actions of an almost 3 yr old. When asked to quiet down and sit in the chair while mommy talked to the doctor, Tessa defiantly stood up, stomped her foot and declared “Stop ruining my life mother!” I can’t wait to hear what she has to say when this baby finally makes an appearance in 4 or 5 more months.

I feel like poop. I have an appointment with the OB to see if we can figure out the issue. I may need to change meds. I’ll update later

This was taken at 9 or 10 weeks

This was taken at 14 weeks in the same shirt