Rallying The Troops
How do you rally the troops, when the troops are scared (and by troops I mean just me)?
My husband has been talking about a career change. 2 years ago he was forced into a career change that was scary but in the end bettered our family’s precarious financial situation. For over a year he languished at a job that was heading down hill, refusing to discuss a change. One day someone offered him an opportunity and inside of a month he had not only switched jobs, but industries.. BAM… after an entire year of refusing to even discuss it.
With that kind of background, hearing my husband talking about jumping ship into a new line of work has my stomach trembling. I know it is not possible for him to make this change in a months time due to the training he would need… but he could decide to start school in a months time and start heading towards this job.
Several things have me scared.
1) It’s a VERY dangerous job.
2) it’s a $15,000 to $20,000 a year paycut (yes you read that correctly).
This is a line of work that I have known him to be interested in for the past 5 years. It is a job I know he would get lots of satisfaction out of and enjoy a sense of pride. I know his current job is way too hard on him. The constant chemical exposure is no good, the company is caring less about the well being of their employees every day, and he recently had to take what amounted to a $6 an hour pay cut (when you are working a 12 hour day this cuts REALLY deeply).
Our life is in such chaos and transition right now that the mere mention of this whole situation sends me running for the bathroom. I can feel a panic attack creeping up and I start spewing venom. I don’t know how to control it.
I want my husband to be happy. I want him to have a job that he can feel proud of and enjoy. I’m not ready to close my eyes and jump. He says that nothing will get rolling till after the baby is born… things rolling would mean him gone from home more taking night classes… he’s already gone from 630 to 6 nearly every day. How can I survive with 3 kids 5 and under on my own for that many hours a day? How can I suck it up and support him? I really need advice on this one folks. I want to support him but I can not see how because I am so frightened of change, especially one as profound as this.
September 14th, 2006 at 2:30 pm
Wish I had advice for you…I closed my eyes and jumped right into a snake pit!
DH’s at an interview right now…crossing fingers!
September 14th, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Say no.
September 14th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
Sorry, Hon,
No advice. In Feb, my darling hubs decided to quit his very well paying stable job to go work in a field where he would float from job to job. He is making good money but the downside is he has left me to deal with our grieving kids. We are lucky to see him for a day a month. What fun it was when my water tank decided to dye on me…
But he is happy and it is hard to argue with that. So the 29 odd days I suffer doesn’t seem so bad when he’s so damn happy when he is home.
You will survive. But this is not a decision he can make with out you. Other wise you have bigger issues.
Good luck.
September 14th, 2006 at 10:13 pm
Change is scary, especially when your current situation is already precarious. Take heart, though, ’cause it’s almost always less scary AFTER the change. Good luck working it out!
Andrew
To Love, Honor and Dismay
September 14th, 2006 at 10:17 pm
I think when you are pregnant it is so hard to even comprehend any other changes happening besides the impending birth. It will be a little easier to discuss once the baby comes.
If anything I would ask that he at least wait until this one part of your life is settled before introducing something new.
September 14th, 2006 at 10:21 pm
I’d say talk to him about your fears. Research the parts of his prospective job that frighten you (unsafe? look at insurance rates and statistics for injury). Talk about how the short term would affect both you and him and the family, as well as how the long term will affect things. Can you afford to do this? What happens to your financial situation if he *is* injured?
I totally understand the scared aspect. I’m 27wks pregnant with #2 (#1 was born at 28wks and is now 2yrs) and my hubby is flying to Hong Kong for 12 days starting Monday. The being supportive while being terrified aspect is *so* fresh in my mind right now. I also understand that for me, the best way to deal with my fears is to slap them down with cold hard facts and organization and planning.
I hope, whatever you do, that you can find a way to feel good about his prospective decision. It’s not just him anymore, so big decisions like this need to be a group consensus.
September 14th, 2006 at 11:07 pm
Would he be gone all the time once he starts the new job or would it in the long run give him more time with his family? I wouldnt mind making the sacrifice if it meant making him happy and having him around more in the long run.
My honey is looking at taking a job that will have him in Costa Rica 5 months out of the year. Eventually the kids and I would just go with him but atleast for the first few months I wouldnt be able to go because I am expecting in November so I would be without my hubby for two to three months taking care of a newborn a five year old, 11 year old and 16 year old. Its scary and I HATE to think of being with out him. We have always both worked from home and see each other 24/7 so it would be a huge change for us but it would also mean that we go from making 30 grand a year to 75 grand a year so how can I not support that.
Teena
September 15th, 2006 at 12:42 am
oh lordy girl, been there, as you well know. at least he isn’t just quitting and diving in…
September 15th, 2006 at 2:29 am
Saying a little prayer….way over here.
September 15th, 2006 at 3:51 am
I wish I could help you but when my husband was toying with career change I talked him into staying where he was becuase we truly could not afford for him to quit and have us loose inurance.
September 15th, 2006 at 11:42 pm
I wish I had advice Fidget, but all I have this time is hugs and positive vibes.
September 16th, 2006 at 3:21 am
My husband is not changing but beginning and he needs to be there so much more now. It is hard to let him go but I have to. He supports my dream of staying at home so I have to support his.
Enlist in friends to help, make some Mommy friends and have a lot of shaving cream in the tub days!
September 16th, 2006 at 4:21 am
It is really hard to weigh stability against happiness. Especially since the stability (current job) seems to have such a high pricetag already with the chemical exposure (scary) and the pay cut (shitty).
How dangerous is the new job? More dangerous than chemical exposure? If this is something that he really wants to do and might improve the working situation (happier, less stressed out) you may have a better time overall as a family.
Of course I also agree with heatherj in that it wouldn’t be a horrible idea for him to wait until after everybody has settled down and gotten used to the new baby and you are sleeping more than an hour or two at a time. I would assume that he could still start learning this new career in 6 months or so.
September 16th, 2006 at 2:32 pm
My husband decided to do something like this a few years ago. He decided to be a fireman which was going to be a big pay cut and dangerous on top of that. I told him that I was okay with it but after a few months of attending classes and whatnot he decided to quit because he realized it was crazy to quit his cushy job to do something that was going to wreak havoc on our lives.
Good luck to you.
September 22nd, 2006 at 11:17 am
Wish I could tell you it gets easier as they (the men) get older but it doesn’t. We’ve been flipped around so much with hubby’s search for happiness that sometimes I wonder who I married. LOL! But he finally (at the age of 50) found something that makes him very very happy. We’ve had to juggle a lot but it’s working and my fingers are crossed that this is THE ONE! Hang in there hon….if you need to talk, I’m here.