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This is a totally off color story that was related to me by my close friend, the poor dear lived it. I have been laughing about it daily and now so shall you. Please swallow that gulp of coffee or soda lest you spray it all over your monitor. The names have been changed to protect my friend (well mostly so she would agree to allowing me to relate this to you ).
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Now here’s a little story about some folks we’ll call Hank and Bess. Hank and Bess have a young son who is autistic and receives various therapies at home until he turns three. Bess is constantly cleaning like some crazy possessed lady as these therapists parade through her home several times a week. Let’s face it, anyone with children always has a mess to tidy and poor Bess has 4 kiddos in her brood - that is one hell of a mess.

Darling Bess is a petite lady who’s stature is akin to a card carrying member of the Lollipop Guild. This can make certain tasks a little more difficult. Every once and awhile, she’ll drag a chair over and clean off the top of her towering entertainment center, it’s not an everyday cleaning type of chore, right? Wrong, wrong wrong and if you learn nothing else from this tale of woe, you will learn the importance of cleaning the top of your entertainment center.

One recent day, Bess’s son was participating in his home therapies but was becoming increasingly distracted by a toy train. The therapist decided to remove the toy from the child’s reach and sight by stashing it on top of the recently-cleaned-but-not-that-very-day-cleaned entertainment center.

“Oops! I knocked something down, let me get that for you Bess”

then the crickets started, the therapist seemed frozen in time. Bess’s eyes slid over the object clutched in her hand… it, was a porno. Having anyone come into your home and uncover one of your naughty vices is bad enough but when that naughty vice is plastered with explicit photos and a raunchy title ( “Lesbian Fish Taco Gobblers” to be exact ), well one tends to be highly embarrassed.

Bess was truly flustered and then befuddled when it was discovered that the therapist had locked her keys in the car. Eye contact was out of the question and Bess was now facing possible hours with someone who could only fleetingly look at her guilt ridden face and internally scream “LESBIAN FISH TACO GOBBLERS!”

Bess called Hank, hoping they could use their roadside service to help get the therapist on her way. Hank found the whole incident not only amusing, but saw it as a possible window for some hot action replying to Bess’s torrid tale with “COOOL Maybe she will want to have a threesome with us. I am sure she would rather have that for Christmas than the basket thing you made for her!”

Poor poor Bess. She later told me she had always been interested in trying a fish taco - the dish, not the female variety - but confessed that she would never be able to choke one down now. Alas a good porno and a delicious meal have both been forever ruined for her.

Heed Bess’s advice - ALWAYS clean off the top of your entertainment center and always have a good hiding place for your porn.

I can’t wait to see the Google hits I get from this sordid tale.