I just reached down to unbutton my jeans to give myself a little breathing room… yeah.. They don’t button. Faced with this quandary I decided to squeeze out a few farts worth. AHH, breathing room… *choke choke choke*
note to self, reserve deep breathing for AFTER grody butt air has dissipated
Hmm, actually I guess ‘Let Your Fingers Fly’ would be a more appropriate title. Either way, it is my elegant way of pleading for advice.
What are the absolute basics I need when teeny tiny wombling first comes home? I can not for the life of me seem to put together a coherent list. I doubt I am getting a baby shower as this is my 3rd so I need to start shopping.. like um, NOW.
I have a pack n play somewhere… Ideally I would like a co sleeper but the pack n play will suffice at first. I have a car seat (still don’t know if it will fit in my car but I guess we’ll cross that bridge in the next few weeks here). I have a wide variety of binks, both my girls were bink babies and I far prefer it to thumb sucking (especially since I sucked mine until I was eight). I have breast pads, nursing bras, my trusty guide to nursing book, and my nursing pillow. Clothes? Check… what am i missing? I know there is stuff that I just could not have done without in those first few weeks but I am drawing a total blank. HELP!!
Breath, breath.. I think need a paper bag and gift cards, lots of gift cards.
When your doctor is alarmed that you are losing weight at a time you should be gaining it, and particularly when the swelling in your legs if nothing else should be causing your weight gain, do you confess your dietary sins?
Right now I am as bloated as Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade float but still losing weight. Why? I have no earthly clue, especially considering that I like to have a nice hearty breakfast with a side of chocolate covered cherries. Heavy whipping cream is my best friend, providing me with exquisite homemade Alfredo sauce, rich cake icings and cream of everything soup. Nestled in my fridge, cozied up next to my fresh berries are beef hot dogs and pounds of roast beef that I consume with the lust of a lioness gorging on a fresh kill. I spend $20 a week minimum on cheese and consume a good portion of that all by my lonesome. Breyers is considering naming a wing of it’s factory after me but Hagendaz is trying to beat them to the punch.
Where are these calorie going?? I know the baby is growing.. inside of me.. thus *I* should be the one gaining weight, right? I have another checkup on Wednesday and if i don’t do some serious swelling or carb loading before then, I’ll have to endue more alarmed looks and lectures on my caloric intake. I’m fairly certain at this point if they wanted me to eat anymore, they would have to set me up with a lard infusion and bathe me 3 times daily in melted butter. MMMMMMM butter.
Send Me Sanity
really
please.
HELP!
My house is in shambles and still under constructions. My nesting instinct is spiraling out of control and I have zero in the way of outlets for it.
Over the last few days I have noticed that my pants are creeping down more and more. At first I figured it was due to the phenomenon known as sucky maternity pants but today has proven it to be something else.
Not long after I got my positive test, my stomach fell out. There was no hiding that something was up and anything touching my belly sent me into whiny fits of rage accompanied by copious puking. Target provided me with just what I needed. I found yoga shorts with a V shaped dipped front that did not touch my tummy at all- heaven, pure heaven. So wondrous were these pants that I went back and bought 3 more pairs. They have become a staple of my wardrobe, providing me with comfort and a dependable fit… until today.
Once or twice a week (depending on my cravings) I head to one of the local natural food stores to grab some gluten free bread. Since this particular one is located at the mall I decided to take care of a few other things. After walking through a few stores my back was killing me. In a bold and totally cheapskate move, I cut through Bed Bath and Beyond to have a sit in one of the HoMedics Shiatsu Massage Pads
I gather up my purchases and struggled to a standing position… my pants however did not want to leave the comfort of the massage pad and tried to make a break for it. A cool breeze caressed the top of my butt cheeks causing me to quickly drop my packages and grabbed my shorts just before they could make the full plunge ankleward.
When I got home I pulled out several pairs of pants that were perfectly wonderful last week to compare. The findings were shocking. My ass cheeks are moving in a northernly migratory pattern resulting in butt loss. I can only assume the gravitational pull of my massive belly is too much for my bottom to battle. If this trend continues I may be sitting on hinges by the time I deliver this kid.
