January had been an eventful month. 2 inpatient stays at the maternity hospital, several trips to triage and endlessly screwing with my Heparin dosage. I really hadn’t felt right since my last overnight stay at the hospital where they gave me terbutaline without my consent. The night of Saturday February 10th I had had it. “No more!” I declared. Killer contractions had been wracking my body since that Friday (though I had been having regular steady and sometimes painful contractions since early January). There was no way I wanted to face the amnio needle that Monday and I was determined to do what I could to avoid it.

I had a long talk with my baby belly, outlining the cons of having a giant hollow needle stuck through my belly into his warm little womb space and demanded that he break my water. In desperation I sat down and chowed on the biggest romaine salad (romaine lettuce is rumored to have a pitocin like compound). This salad was embarrassingly huge- I made it on a serving platter and forced myself to eat every last bit. After belching and farting for a bit I made enough room to follow up with pineapple for dessert. For good measure I topped myself off with a dosage of Correctal - though about 30 minutes later it became abundantly clear that the Correctal was an unnecessary addition to my meal when my ass exploded (it was much too soon for the Correctal to have kicked in, it generally takes 6 to 12 hours to work).

All night long I was up every 45 minutes either in the bathroom or writhing around in my bed with hip pain. I told The Hubster somewhere around 3 am that we would have to go to the hospital in the morning. I was bleeding again and if this wasn’t labor they needed to check me out since I was no longer on the blood thinners in preparation for my amnio.

At 7 am I got up to use the bathroom and eat a banana. When I laid back down a contraction hit and I rolled onto my back to breath through it. Squish, I felt a little gush and thought “Oh hell no, I just peed!” I grabbed a towel off of my nightstand and laid it under me… SPLOOSH! A huge gush of water drenched the towel and I couldn’t help but smile, my water had never broken on it’s own before.

My hand on The Hubster’s arm I very quietly said “Honey, my water broke.” Have you ever seen someone leap out of bed and across the room from a dead sleep before? It’s pretty amusing. Slowly I got dressed and ripped open the sides of one of Tessa’s pull-ups, shoving it in my panties. The Hubster woke the girls, called family, we all loaded up and were on our way.

Once in triage the nurse was shocked. Not only had my water broken but it was a “gross rupture” meaning - damn girl you didnt just spring a little ol’ leak. The nurse told me I was a stretchy 4 to 5 dilated and after hearing how quickly Tessa came after I hit transition, they rushed me up to the labor floor. My good friend Robyn arrived just as my favorite (read doctor I can’t stand) told me that I was only 3 and that the triage nurse must need more training. From 3 to 6 I was breathing through the contractions while The Hubster and Robyn rubbed my feet. I was able to joke with my nurses between contractions and was feeling well enough to allow a student nurse in to observe the birth (they specifically asked me if it was ok, as the student nurse had never attended an unmedicated birth before and there apparently weren’t many opportunities to do so).

7 was hard, I started thinking maybe I would need medicine. I was stuckat 7 for an hour and starting to holler during the contractions. I knew I was for sure in transition when my language dropped off into sailor-ease and “fuck this huuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrttttttttts” became my catch phrase. The nuse in charge was telling the student nurse “this is how a real birth is, it hurts and it is powerful”

They had me trying different positions but my right leg was very shaky and painful, leaving me to labor on my back (which just so you know is pretty much the most painful way to labor when your kid is sunny side up). I had to pee like crazy but by this point my hip was failing me. the nurse put a bedpan underneath me and yet, I couldn’t pee. Finally she asked if she could insert a catheter. SWEET RELIEF!! She drained an ocean worth out of my bladder and I was suddenly hit with the uncontrollable urge to push. I grabbed my nurse and and said “This hurts so fucking bad, he has to come out RIGHT NOW!” The doctor checked me and was shocked- In less than 2 minutes I had jumped from 7 to complete!!

The room went nuts. They broke the bed down, called in NICU, the regular baby nurse, my doctor was there as were my two nurses and the student nurse. I’m sure everyone on my floor could here my hollering and cussing as the contractions hit. While setting up they told me to take a practice push… umm oops. No practice, just stop the baby is RIGHT THERE. I felt utterly exhausted and weird. Pushing laying flat on my back made it hard for me to tell how effectively I was pushing. The Hubster and Robyn were so encouraging. Telling me how great I was doing, how strong I was, they managed to deter me from getting any medication while I was stuck at 7 and now they were really helping me gather my strength for the last big push. I started pushing again and the baby emerged clear to his shoulders. They made me stop pushing so they could suction him and his shoulders got sucked back in. I gave one last hard push and at 2:16 pm out he came- perfect and wailing.

He was immediately whisked to the other side of the room to be looked over by the NICU team. The left over adrenalin flooding my body gave me the shakes and I laid there with big fat tears rolling down my face, unable to see what they were doing with him. I was allowed to hold him for a few precious minutes before they took him to the transition nursery- he was having some breathing issues. It was not totally unexpected for a 35 week and 6 day baby. What was unexpected by everyone but The Hubster and myself was his size, 7 lbs 4 oz. A month early and the size of many 40 weekers.

Later Robyn told me that not only was I crying, she crying and the Hubster crying but so were several nurses. The student nurse told her that she had attended many births and never cried before. Also, apparently, I was the talk of the Labor and Delivery floor. Around here not many women make it all the way, purposely, with no medications. I can understand why. Most of the moms who choose med free go to one of the birthing centers rather then the hospital.

Today Levi turned one month old, tomorrow he was due. All at once I can not believe he has already been here a month and yet he has only been here a month.