My neighbors just mowed the lawn- something I would typically celebrate over since it’s such a rare occurrence (solar eclipse type rare). Today, though, the mowing of the lawn has me three shades of green.

Over the last several months some sort of stink weed has taken over their lawn and in turn invaded small patches of mine. I first became aware of the issue when Tessa so lovingly collect a bouquet for me. I put her flowers in water and thought nothing of it until I found myself wandering the house sniffing everywhere trying to find the source of the mysterious stench. My quest was so thorough that I sniffed dog butts. I think that bears repeating, I purposely sniffed DOG BUTTS. Can you imagine how bad something has to smell to make me think that it was being emitted from the rear end of a dog? After a few hours, I finally realize it was the weeds Tessa had brought me. I threw them away and then had to take out the trash; their rankness was too overwhelming for my industrial strength construction grade garbage bags. It took a few weeks of me screaming like a lunatic to persuade Tessa into leaving the stink weeds to grow (apparently they only stink once you break the stems) and then all was forgotten about them.

So completely forgotten were these, that when the smell settled into my house this morning I started sniffing around.

SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFF, hmmm not baby butt. SNIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFF, not diaper pail. SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFF, not garbage can. SNNNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF, not dog butt… hmm dog butt… Damn it! STINK WEED!

I stopped and I heard the unmistakable sound of a lawn mower. I crept over to my door and peered out the stain glassed panes to see my neighbor mowing away. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Thousands of stink weed stems being busted open and pouring out their putrid odor. I can only hope that the house next door sells before the neighbors get it in their heads to mow again. Either that, or the Hubster stealthily sneaks over under the cover of darkness and uses Round Up all over their front lawn… of course then they’d have no lawn but well.. I think it might be preferable to the odor of stink weed.