Step right up folks and spin the wheel! Where will it land? Nobody knows! The sink?? MMM chunky! The floor? Dig that splat jive! The upholstered piano bench? Well, I wanted to recover that anyways. Yes, vomit is just a little cough choke and urg away. In as little as 30 seconds you bathroom can look like Linda Blair paid a visit.

That’s not enough vomit you say? Well that is the beauty of a stomach virus, my friends. For the price of one puking kid, you can infect a whole family! Just think, five gastrointestinal time bombs sharing one bathroom! Act today and we can infect your family too.

As a bonus we’ll send you a 12 pack of paper towels, disinfectant, a barf bucket, and a snazzy 8 track of mothering mantras to repeat to yourself as you scour the spew covered floors. My favorite mantra? “It’s only wet pretzels, it’s only wet pretzels.” If you order in the next five minutes, we’ll also throw in a guide to removing Technicolor yawn remnants from any surface. You’ll learn such skills as “removing chunky puke from your sink trap” and my personal favorite “removing puke from wicker weave!”