Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood?
If I have neglected to mention it lately, my neighbors scare me.
Everyday, twice a day, I am treated to the same man journeying to the local gas station to procure his 12 packs of Natty Ice. He goes twice daily because it is virtually impossible to ride a bicycle with two twelve packs simultaneously squeezed between your legs.
The neighbors catty corner to my back yard, the ones who had Santa standing sentinel until July one year and still have up Christmas lights that they strung nearly 3 years ago, love to scream obscenities until their voices become raspy and hoarse. They then move inside to throw things, casting their children into the backyard. The children are not phased by the yelling, but apparently all the greenness and sunshine makes them insane. To pass the time they throw rocks at my dogs.
Directly behind us is a very nice man with heathen children and terrifying dogs. He raises pit bulls. The Papa pit bull decapitated two of his own pups burying the heads and bodies in different locations in the yard. We installed an electric fence and after 2.5 years of promises, he finally installed a privacy fence. When we first moved in, his heathen children chucked a dead and badly decomposed possum over our fence. While I was not thrilled by this housewarming gift, my dogs found it utterly enthralling and rolled around all over that possum carcass before running in the house. Over the past few years they have also thrown rocks, ice, and unidentified chunks of crap at my dogs while jumping on their giant trampoline. My neighbor has since built a plywood shack / shed thing that now blocks their trampoline assaults.
In the opposing catty corner, according to my local sheriff’s department website, is a child molester. They have a two story house and thus have a lovely view right into my backyard. I have never seen the person pictured on the website but I can not help but imagine him sitting in the upstairs addition with a telescope, peering over here as my children frolic. I am currently trying to grow some very tall trees in that corner of the yard.
With all of these lovely folks surrounding me, you can understand why I am a bit apprehensive to approach any of them. Normally, I’m the kind of gal who will directly tell you that we have a problem. I will knock on your door at 2am to ask you to keep it down, or perhaps discuss it with you the next day as we are dragging our recyclables to the curb. I don’t feel like I can do that here.
Last night someone was setting off fireworks well into the wee hours of the morning. They had zero regard for the fine folks who have work early, small children sleeping or nervous pets who hyperventilate over such sounds. Apparently they never received the memo that July 4th was the previous day and that no one would be forgiving of such behavior.
I sat and stewed about it. Asshats! What freaking Asshats! But I stayed inside and suffered. I could see them from my window and felt the urge to emerge from my house and scream ‘knock it off asshat!’ but I didn’t. I thought about calling the non emergency line of the police department, but I was fairly certain that they saw me peering out from my windows and fearing retaliation I simply stared at them, hoping they would silently burst into flames.
How do you handle such neighborhood issues? Sometimes I really miss living among seemingly reasonable people. Well, I think I mostly miss living across the street from the Captain of the police department.
July 6th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Consider moving?
July 6th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
I very much miss having normal neighbors. There are always a few that are hard to get along with but where I live now, it’s ridiculous. I don’t trust or like even one of them. I’ve been planning my escape from here for a little while now. As soon as my new baby comes and I can go back to work, we are outta here!
I wish I knew how to deal with problems around here but nobody seems reasonable and rational enough to talk to so I kind of just live with the problems. Sigh..so I hear ya.
BTW, I love your blog. I don’t remember how I ended up here but glad I’m here. Take care.
July 6th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Yeah, not sure I’d want to live across the street from the Police Captain. I mean, who do you call when HE has a wild party?
Our next-door neighbors did fireworks on Wednesday, after our kids had gone to bed (it was raining, for Pete’s sake!). I sat inside and gritted my teeth.
July 6th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Um, gosh.
I thought I had bad neighbors…overly decorated yards, racists…but I think yours trump mine!
July 6th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
All I can say is… “ASSHATS!” A woman who says asshats is a woman after my own heart.
I resort to passive aggressive fantasies involving keying of cars, witty and sardonic yelling matches in which they look like fools and I feel triumphant.
July 7th, 2007 at 1:40 am
How do you deal with neighbors like that? Well, for one, you don’t do what one Cleveland firefighter did.
I covered the shooting overnight. This guy totally flipped out and overreacted. He had problems with his neighbors though. Called police 12 times in 2 years on them.
Not saying you should do that though.
http://www.wkyc.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=70649&provider=top
July 7th, 2007 at 7:44 am
wow news… um yeah, not exactly a good way to handle the neighbors, YIKES!!!
July 7th, 2007 at 7:48 am
Amy, we cant afford to move anywhere around here. Actually that is how we ended up in this neighborhood. The prices here are insanity.
Landis, my old neighborhood I had the Cap living right across the street form me. He was great. Very reasonable and pleasant human.
jennifer, what I wouldnt give for a few overly decorated lawns… sigh… I’m lucky if my neighbors mow and the most decorated lawn has 3 or 4 cars parked on it as well as a couch. UGH
author: witty and sardonic yelling matches in which they look like fools and I feel triumphant are frequent fantasies of mine!
July 7th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
When did you move out of Florida and onto my street?
July 8th, 2007 at 2:26 am
We have the fireworks problem too, and in our parts any pyrotechnics are illegal. Our former neighbors (yes we DID move) used to throw huge pool parties where they would exhibit both their pot-smoking skillz and their totally mad firecracker skillz. (Fourth of July? Nah, EVERY summer weekend is cause for celebration!)
Of course this would happen into the wee hours of the night/morning, and of course the evidence of illegal activity would be scattered on my lawn the next morning, yet their yard remained perfectly clean!
July 8th, 2007 at 6:15 am
Well you would love our boring old neighbourhood. Lots of eldery, mainly just pissing contests about who’s dog barks the most.
So sorry you have a crappy set all around you.
July 11th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Wow. That sounds sucky.
Our neighbors are pretty good right now, but two houses are up for sale, so who knows what we’ll get when new people move in?
Oh yeah, and some neighbor on our street also has the fireworks thing going. I’m like, dude, it’s been a week, haven’t you finished lighting off all those fireworks yet?!