My Baby’s Trying To Kill Me

Levi recently has started ingesting food of the glutenous kind. The idea is to introduce him to these foods slowly, hoping that he does not inherit my gut issues. Things have seemingly been all well and good. He’s been chowing down Gerber sweet potato puffs and even learning to cram them in his own mouth. He hasn’t had any issues yet and I am hopeful for his cupcake consuming future.

I, on the other hand, have been down with belly pain several times over the last couple of days. Monday night, the pain was so searing that I just wanted to lay on the floor and die for awhile. Not now children, mommy’s dead. While I sat crunched over writhing around in agony, it occurred to me that while *I* was not eating gluten, my SON is. My son, who just started feeding himself these gluten laden goodies. My son who crams puffs into his mouth and gums them while simultaneously smashing them with his fingers and even though I wipe his hands down after he eats there is a possibility that there is still gluten on them when he later jams them in *MY* mouth. My son, who also is going through a phase where he bites the holy hell out of my nipples while nursing right after he has hogged down handfuls of starchy wheat flour containing puffs thereby mainlining glutenous saliva through the abrasions on my nipples, is trying to kill me.

I’m pretty sure it’s not purposeful. I mean, he seems to like to cruise up to the boobie bar all day and night long, so I can’t imagine he’s want to whack me Sopranos style just yet. Technically, I guess my baby is trying to manslaughter me.. kill just sounds so much more dramatic though.

Any ideas on how to get around this gluten issue? The boy needs gluten right now and I most definitely do NOT need any gluten. I’m thinking gluten at breakfast after his morning nurse. That way he’ll have a few hours to get it out of his mouth. The hands thing though is no simple solve. If I bathe the kid every day he’ll peel like a 3rd degree sunburn but obviously just wiping his hands down isn’t cutting it.

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Don’t forget to drop by tomorrow at 10 am est for some live webcam Levi time. Tomorrow is the great virtual breast fest brought to you by The League of Maternal Justice, inspired by dunderheads worldwide.