I am a relatively low maintenance girl. Getting glammed up, for me, involves some anti poofiness hair garbage and maybe a tad of makeup (mascara and lip color). That’s it. No, really. Other then my brief stint during middle school (otherwise known as my Tammy Faye years) and my years doing theater/ theme park work (my Tammy Faye years part deux) I have shunned a daily, weekly, monthly, heck even yearly makeup routine.

:::::Confession time:::::

I STILL have the makeup I bought to wear my wedding day, and not because it has any sentimental value. I just could not stomach throwing out hundreds of dollars of unused makeup, especially knowing how many small woodland creatures were probably tortured to formulate said makeup. I know it’s no longer usable, we’re coming up on that seven year itch next February, but I just haven’t been able to do it. I may need an intervention.

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Several times, over the past 5 years, I have considered seeking out a mild beauty routine. I have found myself standing in front of massive make up displays scared and speaking in tongues. Stand me in front of Wet N Wild and I can hang. Blue eye shadow, purple sparkly liner, and body glitter all became second nature when working the Mardi Gras parades. Real make up, the kind where you achieve this faux natural look has always befuddled me though.

The few times I have ventured to purchase base or cover up I have either wound up looking like the star of Kabuki theater or a victim of 80’s tanning bed mentality- neither is a desirable look. I also have dark circles under my eyes - a lovely combination of allergies and insomnia with a smattering of small children. I’ve tried those yellow correcting sticks and rather then blending away my circles, it acted like a blazing yellow beacon: LOOK! DARK CIRCLES HERE!!!

Are you sensing my trepidation over make up?

My mother has come to my rescue. During my trip she pulled me into her bathroom and did a quick demo of her makeup. “Look honey, it’s easy!” and it was! And I looked GOOD! And it didn’t feel like anything was there, I wasn’t itchy or sweaty or ready to claw my face off afterwards. It was good. It was so good my mom bought me the starter kit. It comes with a how to DVD so I should be ok right? RIGHT??

If this works out, I’m totally putting my mom on my mustache patrol list. Several of you out there have pinkie sworn to inform me (ie knock me upside the head) should I ever start sporting a noticeable ’stache. Getting me into and not hyperventilating over make up would surely earn her such a coveted position.