Heave, BLOW! a tale of woe

The maids came for the last time today, need I say more?

HA! Of course I’ll say more. Not only will I say more but I’ll curse that wretched Murphy and his ridiculous law.

So like I said, the maids came and the peasants rejoiced. The peasants also groused a little because the maids did not dust the picture frames but did a good enough job over all that the peasants won’t be calling the home office to chew their butts.

The peasants wallowed in cleanliness for 10 minutes and then flew out the door, broke the speed limit, and illegally parked to grab Tess a few minutes late (oops). Next we hit a local store that makes the peasants feel like unAmerican traitors when they shop there. With heads hung low, the peasants gathered more processed sugar then they consume in one entire year and purchased it for LOW! prices.

As penance for this shopping transgression, sprinkled with a smattering of that heinous Murphy’s law, the peasants arrived home to discover a massive mound of 115 lb American Bulldog vomit just inside the door.

The biggest peasant heaved, threatening to blow, and dialed the male peasant who owned this pukey pooch and therefore was 100% responsible for the vile pile.

Yes *gag* it’s on the new *gag gag* floor… oh god…. you’re HOW FAR away? aww poodle doodle, I’m going to have to *gag* clean h th th *gag burp* ohhh I don’t feel so good…”

And the peasants heaved but the peasants did not blow. The biggest peasant cussed, cursed and gagged her way through sanitizing the floor, ruing the fact that the pile was not on the tile where she could have merely tossed a towel over the chunks and left it for her husband.