So you’d like to dye your baby? Flesh tones too passe for you? Here at Finding Yourself Despite Yourself we like to cater to the eccentric parent by providing you with useful information you might not find elsewhere and as is such, today we offer you this baby color changing tutorial.

First thing you need to decide is what fashionable color you want your babe to be. In this tutorial we will be aiming for a purpley blue tone. Next you need to strip your baby down as bare as you can while still containing an raw sewage spills. Then place baby in a secure location like a highchair and apply dying agent. To achieve our desired look we’ve offered Levi frozen blueberries. Once intermingled with saliva, the now mash blueberries form a lovely paste which when applied to flesh for extended periods of time (say longer then 45 minutes) provides your baby with a lovely festive and fashionable hue. Our baby dying was such a rousing success that 12 hours later other concerned parents were inquiring about the temperature of my son as his “lips and hands look a bit chilled” In 80 degree weather? HA! I call that a well executed baby color change!

You can find other, slightly less eccentric, instructions for life here.