1) Lust

I’m not talking about panting over your hot neighbor who’s out doing yard work. No Honey, in this state you lust for baked goods, potato chips, Chinese food and pretty much anything that someone else is eating. The mere mention of a BLT can send you into a foamy mouth frenzy of bacon lust.

2) Gluttony

This comes hand in hand with lust. You see one cookie won’t do it. Hell, TWO cookies won’t do it. Suddenly you find yourself elbow deep in a bag of Snickers fun sizes and all that’s left is wrappers. It’s a special kind of gluttony, one we can justify by saying “the baby wanted a Snickers” or in my case Pillsbury fudgy chocolate canned frosting. Hey, I think i was deficient in soy lecithin, yeah that’s it.

3) Greed

We register for our baby presents and then can’t help but pour over the list until the baby shower arrives. YES! Someone bought my swing. KICK BUTT! we just got 3 cases of butt wipes!! And YES, I think it was perfectly reasonable for me to register for a $1300 crib bedding set, I mean the baby NEEDS that to sleep!!

4) Sloth

Do I really need to elaborate on this one? I mean, once we can no longer see our toes, we also can no longer see how dirty the floor is. *yawn* I think I’ll go take a nap

5) Wrath

Pregnancy is like 9 months of the most wild PMS you’ve ever had; you are nothing but one big ball of inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger. I’ve been known to yell at the toilet for flushing too loudly and hurl things at The Hubster who made the mistake of bringing home vanilla ice cream.

6) Envy

You will feel this towards every single woman who just had her baby and particularly those who popped out a peanut and walked out of the hospital wearing their prepregnancy clothes- bitches.

7) Pride

You may experience this one in a variety of ways- Shoving your ultrasound pictures under every strangers nose, flashing around pictures of your slick new nursery, or flaunting your belly across the internet

Basically this all just confirms the fact that I’m going to hell. I’ll save you a seat

and if you have a minute, go check this out