Addressing Extraction
Six years, one month, and some odd days ago, I had a very traumatic birthing experience, one where my 1st official words uttered as a mother were “Is she dead?” Mira had become what everyone thought was hopelessly wedged in my pelvis by her shoulders. She turned blue, then purple then black. A nurse leaped up on to me, ass in my face and began shoving downwards with all her might. My midwife pulled on her wee little head, other nurses wrenched my legs back and I bore down with all my might. The midwife began screaming for someone to get my doctor- they were ready to break my pelvis- when Mira came shooting out like some kind of cartoon projectile. The doctor walked through the door just in time to help pink her up and hear her first weak caterwauling. It.was.terrifying. and we were lucky, very very lucky. She suffered no expected ill effects of being stuck- permanent nerve damage is always a huge concern with shoulder dystocia.
Since then, my babies have been watched very closely for accelerated growth. No doctor wants to repeat that scenario and as enticing as repeating a double episiotomy is, I’ve wanted to avoid it too. Thus Tessa was booted from the womb at 36 weeks and 6 days. Her ultrasound placed her close to the 8lb mark and doctors decided that with the known discrepancies of late term ultrasound, it was time to act. Thankfully they did. Her birth healed me.
Levi was on size watch too when he decided to make his way into the world 1 day before his scheduled amnio, which is now required to evict a baby before 39 weeks. I have a feeling that overwhelming terror of that hollow needle on my part caused my water to break.
I would hope that those of you that know me personally and my long time readers realize that I do not take the process of pregnancy and birth lightly. I have experienced the highest heights of joy as well as the deepest sadness. I make what feels like never ending trips to various doctors so I can be carefully monitored. I read and research like crazy knowing that my doctors are just that- doctors- and not Gods or some kind of omnipotent beings. I listen to my body as it speaks volumes to me, aiding me in making the best decisions I can about what goes on with my treatments. I can tell you that over the course of 3 pregnancies, it’s made my high risk doctor pull more then a few fistfuls of hair out of his head. And right now? I’m listening to my body. It’s telling me that he IS big- whether fat or or long I’m not sure but judging by the pulling, the crushing pressure and my inability to waddle more then a few feet without searing pain shooting down my legs, he’s bigger then his brother was at this stage.
I’m hoping that this little person decides to make his own way into the world before I am cornered into signing a surgical consent form. But know, that if I feel that I need to sign that consent form, I will. It will suck and I will cry and I’ll probably be fairly hysterical about the whole matter but I never again want to utter the word “dead?” at the birth of one of my children nor do I want to end up that way myself which brings me to the topic of an early csection.
If the amnio says he’s ready and the ultrasound suspects he’s too large to pass safely, they will csection me early. This will not be a matter of convince nor a choice made lightly, it will be a calculated move to keep me alive. I take 2 shots a day who’s purpose is to thin my blood. Ideally it is stopped 48 hours prior to any procedure where bleeding is expected. 24 hours is often enough leeway but “often” isn’t good enough when the prospect of bleeding out is so very real. There is a medication that can act to reverse the effects of the blood thinners but it has it’s downside too- if the dosage given is too high the risk of a blood clot forming skyrockets and determining the dosage is no exact science. It’s a total crap shoot.
In speaking with my doctors, they also have a fear that one of these days I wont make it to the hospital in time. If I wind up in labor during rush hour, you very well might be hearing about my minivan baby. Now if he is too big and I’m all hopped up on blood thinners and it’s rush hour- we have a very serious, very BAD situation on our hands. I want to avoid that.
So in conclusion to this long and winding diatribe on why I am doing my best to keep myself and my son out of danger by possibly consenting to medical procedures I am none to thrilled with, I just want to say that I hope you realize that I am thinking with my brain and not entirely out of fear. Does fear play into it? Oh hell yes. I never want to relive the first birth experience but I will not let fear deter me from pursuing the birth that I want. I also won’t let my own stubbornness to achieve my goal of a natural as possible birth endanger the life of my son or myself.
May 20th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Just hugs and more hugs for you!!!!
May 20th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Thanks for the post. I needed that. I am terrified of a C section (All my C section friends are terrified of natural births it seems) and you really helped put it all into perspective. Sending good wishes your way and hoping that all works out fine
JEN’s last blog post..this child is already causing me worry
May 20th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
holy crap!
i probably shouldn’t have read this. ACK.
indeed good juju your way…
xo
s
stella’s last blog post..Crazy Logistics
May 20th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Also some big hugs to you, and it sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Like I’ve told you in private, this is a decision that YOU (you you you) get to make after consulting with your doc, and no one else. We’re just here to support you, no matter how Little Boy makes his entrance.
May 20th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Honey, only you and T can deside what is best for you. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Love you!
Michele’s last blog post..New One
May 20th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Ooops, meant to post this here, so I am reposting:
I know you will make the right, safe decision for you and the bebe. Please don’t let bossy, proselytizing, busybody know-it-alls on the interwebz pressure or guilt you into something. You know your body, you know your baby. It’s no one else’s business.
P.S. I had a medically necessary c-section, and it was a great experience. So, put that in your pipe and smoke it, ladies.
May 20th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
I know that you will make the best decision for yourself and your son. Listen to your doctors, but trust your instincts, they are there for a reason.
Signed, Soon-to-be-doctor
May 20th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I’m with Kari…
I wish you nothing less than a healthy baby and physically and mentally healthy Mama after whichever way your baby makes his entrance.
Angela
May 20th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Great post. I have lurked for some time now, and while I know I don’t really know you, I am sure you will make the right decision for you and your baby. Best wishes, Fidget.
May 20th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Good luck. I hope it turns out well for both of you!
landismom’s last blog post..I live in a sick, sick country
May 21st, 2008 at 1:31 am
If I have learned anything in my time reading your blog is that you’re one smart Mama! You’ll do what you need to do to keep you and baby safe.
Jacquie’s last blog post..My Hope, My Wish
May 21st, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Oh, fidget wish I was there to give you a hug!!! I had to have a rush c-section with my son and it was scary and left not only physical but emotional scars as well. Nearly 3 years later my son is perfect and the scars are fading. I hope that your labor and delivery is as close to normal as possible but whatever happens know you are in my thoughts and prayers!
May 21st, 2008 at 7:56 pm
*big squishy hug* I am sending calm vibes your way, with a huge hope that everything will go safely and well for you both.
May 21st, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Sweetie, I understand that your afraid, torn, and very confused as to what to do. Right now you have to let things ride and take clues from your body and your OB. Whatever way the new little man in your life makes his entrance, all we want is a healthy happy baby and mommy!
Please don’t work yourself up, C-Sections are not the best way to go, but are sometimes the only way to go. If my not 5 foot sissy sister in law can deal with 3 I am sure you can. I did and honestly when I had each of them I was so tired and glad that the time had finally come.
Think beautiful baby boy thoughts. Remember you have lots of folks pulling for you
May 21st, 2008 at 9:38 pm
My doctor used to tell me, “Whatever results in a healthy baby and mother is what’s best.” Hoping that all goes smoothly for you and your little one.
Casey’s last blog post..Five Green Minutes: The Ladybug Podcast
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:14 am
I’m sure you will make the choice that is right for you. Listen to your gut and your doc’s like someone else said. Sending you good vibes.
Lisa in NJ’s last blog post..Letting Go?.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:15 pm
My son Declan had shoulder dystocia too. A mild case, no residual effects. He was born at home at 41 weeks, 10lbs 7ozs and 21.5 inches.
Have you heard of the Gaskin Maneuver? Its named for midwife Ina May Gaskin. Basically, you quickly flip over onto all fours and that dislodges the shoulder. Thats what birthed my baby. I believe thats why he came out so easily despite his size and the shoulder dystocia. If your midwife/doctor hasnt heard of this, maybe ask them to look into it, because I seriously think it will help in birthing big babies.