I survived Black Friday

At 3:05 am I staggered out of bed and jumped into my van (jumped may be taking too much liberty, I pretty much dragged myself). I was so tired that I listened to Dora for several minutes before realizing I had the option to change it. When I switched over to the radio, Christmas carols filled the air. In my predawn delirium, I started wailing (total full on ugly cry sobbing) because my girls are so big and are going to easily remember THIS Christmas and apparently Jingle Bell Rock can set anyone off after only 2 hours of sleep.

There were lines, epic lines, and crowds. Oh my heavens the crowds! I ditched my purse, opting for the full pocket strategy, though later I came to regret this as I enviously stared at a woman who had managed to wrangle 1/4 a cubic foot more of breathing room by swinging her purse wildly about.

We hit two stores. Kohl’s was quite civil, Walmart was filled with police. In Walmart, there was a log jam of carts, people bickering about who has more centimeters available to move over. I took a map, provided by the employees, which stated the general area where everything was laid out. I trusted that damn map and it lead me straight into the heart of Black Friday hell- the electronics department.

I did my best to weave around the crowd, but it was a total impasse until the employees began ripping open the black bags covering pallets. Next thing I knew, I felt the entire crush of the crowd surge past me and I looked straight up at the ceiling, working not to panic.

A woman tried to pry the cart from my hands, hers was hopelessly stuck and I guess she felt that any cart would do? I instinctively yanked back with such force, she nearly sprawled out on her ass and then shot me dirty looks as she pushed behind me to retrieve her cart.

Another woman repeatedly slammed her cart into my heels, sending me forward into other people. At this point, I still had nothing in my cart. I gave up trying to get any Nintendo DS games as folks were putting entire stacks of the display into their cart and then picking through them. But, I soldiered on with my greater quest, with Madam heel eater ramming my feet as we crept towards the toys.

When I eventually reached the toys displays, I was shocked to see people carrying 20 cabbage patch babies at a time. There was bickering at the Barbies, one pair SCREAMING at me to grab and move but another kind soul helped pass me something just beyond my reach.

By this point, I had been locked in an angry immobile crowd for 20 minutes, was breathing heavy,and praying for Xanax to rain down on me- yet, I was still without my major goal. Suddenly the crowd started moving, I later realized a police officer was directing traffic through the isles.

I snagged exactly what I was after (Hello, ambiguous! Hey, the girls know about this joint and Mira can read !). Then, I lucked into an empty register lane and pushed my way back out the store, shaking, minus the DS games but 100% happy that I got what I went in for and spent about 1/3 of what it would have otherwise cost me.

Thankfully, I survived. It seems that some others were not so lucky.