My about me page is in pretty sad shape. I need to do something, well, about that.
For the last 3 months, I’ve opened up the page and stared, listening to myself blink
Hi, I’m Erin but go by Fidget online. Sometimes I can hear myself blink….
Uh, not exactly the sparkling introduction I’d like to put forth.
I could write a little something about my daily doings
Hi, I’m Erin. I get shit pooped on every.single.day.
but mine is not the glamorous life.
This all has been weighing heavily on my mind. But then, the other day at 2 am while I sat rocking Bo, TV spoke to me. Between women bedazzling their bras and folding every shred of fabric in their house into 6 inch squares, other women gushed about how fantastic such pursuits are. I found myself deliriously nodding my head in keen agreement and pining for a Bedazzler. Damn testimonials- wait! I need testimonials! (no, not testicles. The Hubster and sons have that corner of the market well covered for me)
This is where you come in.
Write me a fun, fanciful, zesty, humorous, tear jerking, outlandish but somewhat truth based (somewhat meaning try to get my name right) testimonial that I can use on my ‘about me’ page. Think about your favorite infomercial, remember how those ordinary people tell you that mighty putty stroked their hair and shaved the dog and how their life is now complete because it also impregnated them thus ending their 49 year battle with infertility? Yes! that’s what I want.
I’ll pick my personal faves and from that crop of favorites only lucky winner will be randomly plucked. The winner shall receive something fantastic and coveted (if it’s testimonials are to be believed). Oh yes, the winner shall become the proud new owner of their very own
Bedazzler!
Normally, I’d have you enter via my contact form, but I think we can all use a good laugh so to enter, post your Fidget testimonials (just a few short lines will do. of course if you feel more ambitious leave me a novella) in the comments of this post between now and 11:59pm on December 30, 2008 (unlimited entry). You must leave a valid email address to be contacted and as I respect your privacy, I will never sell or share your emails with anyone. You may enter as often as you like, but remember to get chosen as a finalist, you’ll have to be creative and slightly topical. I reserve the right to substitute a prize of equal or greater value should it become necessary. You must be at least 18 years of age to qualify to win. Spam, inflammatory bs, and blatant stupidity will be deleted
Just imagine the possibilities! With Bedazzler in hand, you could be the next Leslie Hall! So go forth my little weblings and spin me some fantastical testimonials!
Ok, I’m totally entering when the kiddos go to bed, but OMG now, I know who Leslie Hall is!!!
She’s that crazy ass lady on Yo Gabba Gabba! She did a dancy dance in some gold (I think) lame bodysuit that included fringe.
She had this crazy smile and I laughed every time she said “Razzle Dazzle”
I actually found it!!!
She’s awesome! tee hee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1YoohYVKh4&feature=related
fidget Reply:
December 20th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttH528tT1OU
i love her in that one
I use to want to ax murder my family- all that whining, not to mention the dirty laundry they make! Then I started reading Fidget every day. Her mall bangs changed my life. Thanks Fidget!
Fidget has not only made my teeth 10 shades whiter, she has taught me that I will not suffocate my newborn with my enormous boobs. She is proof of that. She has had 4, count them, 4! babies and who knows, she could be pregnant right now as we speak. Her gluten free uterus is top notch. She has helped me triple my income in just one week with her endless banter about chicken poop. Her blog is so funny that I laughed until I stopped. I am a real person. No one paid me to say this. I just can’t believe how much Fidget has changed my life!
Fidget is the kind of person who admits it when her dog french kisses her.
That’s the kind of person I want to spend time with.
Not… um… because of the kissing with the dogs. I’m not into that. Honestly. I never make out with dogs for fun. Hell, I never make out with dogs for not-fun. I meant because of her honesty and her realness. She’s honest and real. That’s my point. Not that she molests small animals. She doesn’t do that. But if she did, she’d probably admit it.
bekah’s last blog post..Aquarium
I, too am a real person and was not paid for this testimonial (unless there are some chocolate cherry mice headed my way). I not only faithfully read Fidget’s blog but also have been blessed by her real life tutorials. Fidget’s brilliant lessons have showed me that I can handle a little boy pee pee in my bathroom, as she its literally peed or pooped on daily with such grace and she is not kidding about this! Fidget has helped me embrace the chaos in my house, rather than sob over it’s lack of perfection. Her awesome photo taking skills have rubbed off on me and my kids will now have heads in all their pictures! She has also helped me realized that if she can make homemade goodies with a baby attached to her and be gluten free, my sorry butt can do it too. Did I mention, I lost 100 pounds in three months and can cook frozen meats to golden perfection in just minutes, just from reading her blog?
jenni williams’s last blog post..Simple Holidays
I thought I had everything I ever needed, but then I found Fidget! I had no idea what I was missing! The laughs, the tears, the wisdoms she has provided me are priceless. I would definately suggest Fidgets to all my friends! If you ever wonder what is missing from you day, if you have a nagging feeling that you are forgeting something, just tune into “Finding yourself, despite yourself” and I know you will be laughing or crying or contemplating to your hearts content. I just can’t say enough good things about Fidget!!
I could go on and on about Fidget’s great writing and how she makes daily life seem much funnier and more exciting than it really is. Her kids are adorable, and parenting anecdotes make me laugh out loud. But the one thing that really sets Fidget apart from any other “mommy-blogs” is….she occasionally post pics of her smokin’ hot husband!!!
Fidget has added fashion to the ducky world of today and tomorrow.
Shilo Beedy’s last blog post..An Ordinary Life Contest
Fidget is my personal and generally free health consultant. And she rocks the bangs like no one else I know.
motherhood uncensored’s last blog post..I want my mommy.
OMG, a bedazzler, Now your just making this a cutthroat competition. I searched for one and then even went a step further by comparing PRICES. Oh, and a bow maker. I am completely ridiculous.
trisha
momdot
Ok – this is what happens when someone leaves you alone in an office with a computer, no work, and Snoop Dogg playing….
Milk and Juice
(with respect to Snoop Dogg’s ‘Gin and Juice’)
With so many kids saying “Mommy Please”
It’s kinda hard bein’ a mom packing Double D’s
but I somehow, some way
Keep stumbling on funky ass chicks like every single day
May, I, tell you bout the birds and the bees
I’m using coupons cause I ain’t stackin’ cheese
Two in the mornin and the cribs still jumpin’
Cause my hubster ain’t home
I got toddlers in the living room louder than horns
And, they ain’t sleepin’ til three in the mornin
So many animals under my feet
I got a basset named Jethro that raids the chicken coop
So turn off the lights and close the doors
My kids and I gonna have some smores
So we gonna bottle this
Please read my blog, while my hubster remodels this
Chorus: repeat 2X
Rollin down the street, pushin’ Bo, who’se sippin on milk and juice
Laid back with my mind on my family and my family on my mind
Verse Two:
Now that I got me two little men
They take shits in their diapers, but they won’t stay in
Now this type of shit, happens all the time
It won’t get on your shirt but it gets on mine
Everything ain’t fine when you listenin to the D-O-G
Damned dogs bark so much they are sleep depriving me
They don’t listen to the words that I speak
As I chase the Rocket to the middle of the street
And the hubster’s wantin’ to get some nookie
But he messed with my big ass cookies
Eighty degrees, butter thawed to the t’s
You used it in the tuna, now you gets none of these
As I open the fridge, smell the peanut butter cheesecake
Chorus
Runnin’ down the street, chasin’ Levi, who’se been sippin’ on milk and juice Laid back with my mind on my family and my family on my mind
Verse Three:
(slows down)
Later on that day
Mira had to say
That her chest was not ok
Ain’t gonna stay no ‘A’,
(speeds up)
Tessa ain’t got none so she won’t sit
It ain’t no joke, they ain’t gonna find no bras that fit
Put your sippy cup down
(stops) Yeah, kids are going to sleep, I’m pumped up now (speeds back up)
Forget gluten-free Chee-tohs, Hubster’s in a Speedo
We’re gonna rock the whole city of Oviedo
Damn it, the girls knocked something off the shelf,
I’m gonna find myself, despite myself
I can’t be upset, that’s just how it goes
Gotta bust out the hose, another shit’s all over Bo
I’ll be
Chorus
Rollin out of bed, doing laundry, and servin’ that milk and juice {beeotch!!}
Laid back with my mind on my family and my family on my mind
How can one compete with Sammy! She wrote you an entire song.
I was going to go on about how you taught me the proper way to poop…or the advice on couponing, vegatarianism and just about a million other things but I am feeling deflated* now.
*deflated: a feeling you would not know with those knockers
Fidget…what is there to say. She has 4 of the most beautiful children ever….well….second to my children of course. She has a plethera of knowledge on all things brown and smelly oh and food too! She has bigger hooters than me and can still manage to walk around without falling over. Her cooking skills are just awesome and I cannot wait to make those cute little mice next year when I don’t have a sweet cute teething baby up my butt wanting constant attention. Oh wait…she has one too! I know you put him in the chicken coop with all those mother hens to tend to him and Jethro guarding to make sure nobody bothers him. Oh wait…did I say that outloud? Sorry I let your secret out!
What else to say? Ahh…you are beautiful, tall, big boobed, bang worthy and an amazing all around person. Awww….ain’t I sweet? Yes, I seem to be picking up that Texas twang!
Since I’ve been fidgetized my life has done a complete turn around! After seeing the pictures of the pink Christmas tree, I now see life through rose-colored glasses (isn’t rose close enough to pink on the color spectrum?) I wake up each morning after dreaming of chickens dancing in my head! I skip blissfully through life knowing that all-wise, all-knowing fidget will guide me through each day! You too can be fidgetized! Join us, become one with us…. your life will never be the same. Did I mention I’ve dropped 400 lbs, all my wrinkles are gone, my legs have never been smoother, my eyebrows are plucked, my nose hair is trimmed and my food cooks in minutes? All thanks to Fidget!