Where are this kid’s frickin teeth?
Not that I’m looking forward to my nipples being used like a beaver’s chew toy or anything. Speaking of beavers (I now crown thee queen of the transitions!)…
Adult situations (ahem) in the click through
Over at Attack of the Redneck Mommy, Tanis shared a recent encounter with some heinous love lube, thus inspiring me to tell the sordid tale of “Good Head” (oh I can just see the google hits now).
The year was 2000 and The Hubster & I lived in a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment rented for dirt cheap from a sort of kind of in a convoluted way family member. Our youthful exuberance led us to the local giant naughtiness warehouse where upon we encountered gallons of liquid fun time assistance.
the array was dizzying and the names, oh my! The names were, uhh, descriptive. Discombobulated by the sheer volume of “pleasure honey” we were going to leave empty handed but then spied something called “Good head” which made us titter, then giggle, then fall over laughing. Of course we bought it.
And there my friends is where this story takes a very bad turn.
It was not long after arriving home that I clawed the package open and set to, uhh, work.
Oh babe, that feels so good. MMMMM yeah…. uh.. uh.. babe?
(ignores him)
uh.. um ow. babe..
(still not listening)
STOP!
What?
Did you brush your teeth or something?
Earlier today
My wanger is burning
yes, with warm throbbing lust right?
No like my wanger is on FIRE, fuck!
(points and laughs) Hahahahaa you are such a wuss, come here, let me cool it down for you
Hell no!
(flops over laughing hysterically) BWHAHAHAHAHAHA what a wimp! It’s just some friggin lube
Oh yeah?
and with a grand florish he wiped a stripe of good head across my soft parts.
Whatever dude, it’s not that ba-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDD OH MY FUCK MY CROTCH IS ON FIRE!
picture, if you will, 2 full grown naked adults punching, pushing and shoving to be the first through the doorway to get into that one lonely bathroom and then in ultimate fighting championship style, battling each other for the coveted position under the shower spray.
Eventually, we emerged from the bathroom, both still engorged below the belt, and waddled to the dumpster to rid our lives of Good Head. Thankfully none of our naughty bits fell off and The Hubster has been perfectly content with my mind blowingly fantastic but run of the mill head ever since.
oh MY. that is just positively hilarious.
and the picture of the toothless wonder is awesome.
Ouch! I’ve never experienced anything like that, thank god. Though I did hear of a “self heating” lube once, but it was more of a chemical reaction that burned. Apparently.
Solomon’s last blog post..Things I’m Grateful For on Saturday 10 January
OMG! THAT is too freaking funny. Now, anyway. I am sure that then it was not!
Your kiddo is just adorable! I can’t help with the teeth question though, mine got her frist two at 3 1/2 months.
Jeannie’s last blog post..My title, new DVR, and the portal to Hell
Oh my! N just got his first one on Monday.
Michele’s last blog post..First Tooth and Tuckered Out
Reminds me of the time I had a terrible backache and was basically bathing myself in Icy Hot, and decided to fold laundry. All was well until hubby grabbed his shorts still warm from the dryer and newly folded and put them on. Seconds later he began to scream, and scream like I never heard. Turns out a blob of Icy Hot landed in the crotch of his shorts and between them still being warm and him just being out of the shower… I will leave the rest up to the imagination! All I can say is SORRY HONEY, HONEST!
Are you serious?!?! “Good Head” Did it look like a little breath strip? And did it have a err Head on it? Please oh PLEASE say NO….. *eyes dart to the hall cabinet* Because if so I have some and haven’t used it… Perhaps I should send it to you and you can give it to you hubster for Aprils Fools’… cause if it’s that bad no way am I using it…
Brooke’s last blog post..Worlds Worst Parent
Bwahaha!!! Thanks for the warning about anything that promises to warm the tender bits.
Awesome Mom’s last blog post..Potty training or bust!