‘Ef it’ has become my mothering war cry, my mom logic. Four kids and ankle deep into this thing call motherhood, ‘ef it’ has become a sanity saver. I guess you could say “don’t sweat the small stuff” but “ef it” has more panache.
With Mira, my hopes of perfecting motherhood were quickly dashed. She was colicky and I plunged into a deep but secret depression. I picked my arms bloody but plastered a smile on my face for friends, doctors and family- motherhood is HAPPY, it’s AWESOME (holy crap was I ever miserable).
The arrival of Tessa brought on a severe case of delusional mothering. I was determined to make up for my short comings with Mira and spent hours scrubbing, scouring, singing, and fretting over projecting the perfect image of June Cleaver if she knew who Dr Spock and Dr Sears were. So deep was this delusional state that I threw a birthday party for my husband, complete with drunken single friends and homemade foods when Tessa was but a wee 3 weeks old.
Are you depressed yet? I certainly was. Right about here is where I lost my mind.
There is a period of time I don’t remember well. There are pictures, ones of us play dohing and playing- things certainly looked happy enough….
Inside my head was a different story.
I hated being myself, I hated being a mom, I hated feeling like I was failing at both being a mom and being myself.
And then Tessa wrote on my walls…. and my library books… and dumped all my files, leaving me with 2 choices:
1. Going postal, which I guess would actually be more like going Mom-postal or Mostal if you will
2. Learn to laugh
Luckily I picked laughing. These days I’m a messier mom. My laundry isn’t done, my floors don’t shine, sometimes I yell, and it’s not unusual to find a half liquefied bell pepper in my fridge but I also laugh A LOT.
And that is where my mom logic comes into play. Whenever I feel like crying, whenever I feel like everyone deserves punishment, whenever I find myself staring at the charred/wet/goo covered remains of some precious project/momento/thing i just really really loved to own, I say “EF IT!” Those magic words give me permission to be angry/sad/drunk later and deal with the moment in a sane rational way- usually by laughing (or making out with a good piece of cake because you can’t say horrible things when your mouth is full of tasty tasty cake, MMM cake).
Inspired by Momlogic.com and their mother of all bloggers contest
Love this! It’s so true and so hard so many moms to do! Good luck – I think you’ll get in!
Charmaine’s last blog post..My Mom Logic
Love this post. I’m so glad we have met and I look forward to getting together again REAL SOON..
no pressure or anything…
xoxo
All I can say…. You Rock. Don’t ever forget that.
And with your laughter, you make me laugh… so from one ‘ef it’ type mom to another… thank you.
CaseyDeuce’s last blog post..Mix It Up Baby!!
Nice post! I love this contest because I’m discovering so many great blogs! I am still struggling with the whole June Cleaver image thing while trying to be a writer, mother, wife, volunteer and show up for my part-time job. I think I’ll borrow your “ef it” mentality every once in a while…that is, if you don’t mind.
fidget Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:24 am
have at it! It’s a life saver
I will try to keep this in mind. Lack of sleep usually turns into crying for me, so having a newborn will be an interesting experience, I’m sure.
Also, holy crap you look amazing with that hair cut! Yowza!
Ef it is my new mantra! Thank you Fidgi…. I know if I took a picture of my kitchen right now, someone would call child protection.. *thinks of getting a break if someone calls child protection* … LOL
Heidi’s last blog post..Hillbilly Delluxe….
Hello! I just came over from Mommy Wants Vodka and this is the first post I’m reading from your blog. Seems we have a bit in common….I am an ADHD mom (unmedicated) with 4 kids ages 9, 7, 3, and 2. I stay home with them full time and I am trying to shake the awful habit of falling asleep at night only after berating myself for ALL the ways I’ve failed them. I fantasize about going back to school or getting a “real” job but I know my ADHD brain would explode in short order.
The laughing is important.
Whenever you stop seeing the funny you know you’re about to loss it.
Very brave post – I liked it.
K’s last blog post..Random Times
Ef it up. Laugh it up. Live it up. You’ve got one life and I think that you are doing just fine. Then again I am not the best one to give advice. I have 4 kids so you know that Lissa is “”Livin’ la Vida Loca”
Lissa’s last blog post..Wishcasting Wednesday April 22,2009
I like it!
T.
Love it. There’s plenty of time for a perfect home–or not!–when the kids are grown.
Casey’s last blog post..You asked, I answer
I have started growling when I am mad. That must be a bad thing. A silent f it would be better I suppose.
I have 4 munchkins of my own and babysit another a few hours a week. The mother of the little one I babysit was griping about something at the kids’ school to me the other day. She was all up in arms about it and I thought it was something trivial. She said, ‘You’re so much more relaxed than I am. Must be having 4 kids.’ I attributed it to something similar to ‘eff it’. You just *can’t* fight every battle, home-make everything, direct every facet of their lives. At some point, you just have to let go. I found it’s much messier and scattered, but I think my kids will save on therapy in the long run.
We all have many moments when we feel like we’re going to lose our minds…but you’re right—the best thing to do is laugh.
I have to remind myself every day that it’s okay there are crayons all over the floor or DS1 keeps taking off his diaper to pee in his room or there’s goldfish crumbs all over the living room.
It’s okay. It can be frustrating, but it’s part of the job =).
It’s hard being a mom, but being a mom is the best thing in the world!
What? I fully expect you to haul your butt to my house in July and make me a meal from scratch. WHILE caring for all the kids (yours + mine). Oh, and it’d better be damn tasty.
Becky’s last blog post..Because I Am Too Tired For A Proper Post
fidget Reply:
April 26th, 2009 at 10:59 am
scarily enough, I could probably cope with that so long as you do ALL the laundry and dishes!
i am SO with you there…my first baby was colicky as well and boy did i struggle physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. wonderful post and congrats on the nomination! best of luck!
http://chroniclesofmomnia.blogspot.com
rosana’s last blog post..Kicking and Screaming
Congratulations on Top 10! It is an honor to be in the running with you!
Lisa
http://momof2boyswifeof1.blogspot.com
Lisa Mom of 2 Boys’s last blog post..I Have A Smelly Washer…Do You?
I swear if you dont win, I’m gonna come over, collect your chickens and unleash them in the momlogic offices… It kinda sounds like fun doesn’t it?
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That was too true!
Stop by my “other” blog, Blogger’s Connect and leave your link & check out the other bogs.
http://bloggersconnect.blogspot.com/
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