The interwebz is giving me a complex

I belong to a message board that has “Due Date” clubs where all the women are all due in the same month. It’s nice to be able to go on there and ask embarrassing questions, find other moms going through similar medical situations, and have people tell you that your gut looks great.

it looks great right? RIGHT?

Well, these due date clubs can also be vehicles of evil. Case in point, someone posted this link and for some ungodly reason I plugged in my numbers. Just knowing and having it screaming at you on your computer screen are two entirely different experiences:

GAH! Must cleanse soul

ahh better… though, admittedly, part of the problem. NOM NOM NOM!

Now, I fully know that my propensity for fresh baked gluten free goodies is not the best thing for my waistline, but I also know it’s not the only thing going on here. Yeah, I’m growing a baby and WOOT! I have the tendency to bloat up like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade float thanks to my crappy circulatory system. Add mass quantities of Florida summer heat and you’ve got a stunning case of cankles plus 7 lbs of pregnancy weight gain happening overnight- yes 7 freakin’ pounds.

I could force some of the water weight out by wrangling myself into compression hose but have you ever wrangled yourself into a sausage casing in 95+ degree heat? Trust me, it’s not comfortable.

So here I sit, ballooning up at an alarming rate. I’m pretty sure if I left my web cam on you could watch minute by minutes as my second third and fourth chins develop. Eventually I will be faced with taking it all off.

After Mira, I spent the first 3 months sweating from the mere act of breathing. I slept on towels so that half way through the night, i could just peel off the soaking wet towel and go back to sleep- 30 of my 70lb weight gain with her happened in the last month and was entirely water!

When Tessa was born I turned to workout videos and with diligence I got below my prepregnancy weight but after Levi I found myself in such poor shape i couldn’t even muster up enough strength to complete 10 minutes of the same videos! Bo forced me to drop the weight with a severe deprivation diet. I was happy I was able to nurse him by sticking to a strict diet of bland non offending foods but the sight of cake and pie would send me into foamy mouthed bouts of yearning lust.

This pregnancy has me so wiped out that I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to do to shed the weight. I’d love to get back into the gym but the cost is prohibitive. My neighborhood is not exactly safe for walking and in 7 years of entering sweepstakes I’ve yet to win a treadmill or elliptical machine. I’m thinking I have little choice but to get back into my workout DVDs.

warning: everything above this line has been pressing on my mind, everything below is a review of DVDs I was sent which pertain to these things that have been on my mind. I was not paid to review these items but I did receive them for free and dudes, I’m so sorry I don’t have swag copies to give away this time

So all of this has been on my mind and I get an email offering me workout DVDs – HELLO TIMING! So You Think You Can Dance Get Fit: Tone and Groove and So You Think You Can Dance Get Fit: Cardio Funk were both sent my way and I have to give a brief SQUEEE! because I have mad love for the show So You Think You Can Dance. The Hubster even watches it with me (and critiques the dancing routines which is totally HILARIOUS since we met in a dance hall but the man does not dance)

Both So You Think You Can Dance Get Fit: Tone and Groove and So You Think You Can Dance Get Fit: Cardio Funk are my speed. If you are a mega workout guru they will not be very challenging but if you are a workout novice or flabbarella like me (ahem) You will enjoy the pace.

The routines are well explained and some parts can get talky but I take that to = more time to catch my breath (wheeze wheeze). The movements are fun and look like they will provide benefits but you only do the steps 4ish times which doesn’t keep your heart rate up. My only other complaint is the wardrobe. Ok,so it’s a workout DVD but GOOD GOD PEOPLE can’t you look cute and workout at the same time? It often looks like the late 80s early 90s exploded on the cast. Overall, I can’t wait to give these a try after the baby comes because lord knows my lard butt will need all the help it can get.

Maybe I should start a betting pool on how fat my ass will get over the next 13-18 weeks…