If you aren’t into reading a-whole-lotta beaver focused TMI, just admire this lovely picture of Saffi at 23 days old
The rest of you curious and brave souls can go ahead and click through
The other day, I read this absolutely cringe-worthy story on MomLogic
One night, I took a look down there, and it was like my insides were on the outside and they were coming out. I knew I couldn’t put this off any longer. I went to my doctor and said, “My vagina is falling out of my body!”
I was referred to a pelvic floor specialist. She took a look and said, “Holy crap — your vagina is falling out of your body, and it’s dragging your bladder and your rectum along with it!”
*Squeezes thighs together and prays*
After foaming at the mouth with fear, blacking out and eventually coming to, I decided that steps must be taken to avoid this EVER happening to me- she only had two kids, I have FIVE and a crappy track record when it comes to my parts staying where they should.
First, I thought about getting a book with some simple exercises to, uh, help the situation but after further reading, I determined that more, uh, help might be needed. My OB/GYN office offers scripts for some apparatus (not covered by insurance) which is around $300. PASS. So, I did some more Googling and ended up ordering this crazy apparatus that might end up pinching my inner girl parts but in a few months I’ll be able to use my lady clam to crack walnuts, dammit.
or the vajayjay vice grips, which inevitably lead to wholly inappropriate comments on my part- Oh Hai Worldz, that’s forever Google-able now. And, since that is forever out there in cyberspace, for some most likely sleep deprivation driven reason, I’m telling you all about my harebrained plan to ensure that my woman parts remain where they belong and apparently this lovely apparatus, if properly used, will keep me from pissing myself too because at any point after having children, even the strongest among us know, that sometimes a sneeze is NOT just a sneeze.
Thanks to that story, I am now freaked out about my girl bits falling out too. Before I go blow $ on vajayjay pinchers, I am going wait and see how they work for you… You will share the results, right? RIGHT? Also how does the hubster feel about the whole cracking walnuts business? Cuz that could hurt some man bits..
I knew what you were gonna say so before I started reading I immediately began doing kegals. I had a friend who had surgery to keep her lady parts from escaping. I used to sing to her “Does your vagina hang low? Does it wobble to and fro? Can you tie it in a knot?”…
My Dad who was super friendly and talked to EVERY ONE came home one day with a present for my sister. He was so excited he told me, “The lady that owns the chinese restaurant, well she gave me a present to give to your sister!”. Me, “That’s great Dad” while I was probably checking my phone or something. Then, realizing that was a bit weird and my Dad had a penchant in his younger days to bring you “presents” of expired food that he rescued from the dumpster, I snapped to and asked “What?”
“She gave me a present…”
“That’s great, why would she give a present to her, she doesn’t even eat there?”
“Well I told her that she just had another baby and so she gave her these.”
He hands me a hinged box similar to but bigger than a jewelry box, covered in asian inspired silk fabric…. I knew without opening them what they were. I looked at him to see if his eyes were twinkling because he LOVED a good joke. No hint that he knew.
I opened the box just to be sure and you guessed it, BenWa Balls.
“Dad, what are you doing?!”
“Huh? Just give them back, they’re for your sister.”
“Really? What is she supposed to do with them.”
“I’ll show you.” (yes, my jaw was on the floor, I was scared but curious too!)
He takes them and starts rolling them around in his hand.
“Dad, why should “my sister” do that?”
“Well, actually she said that they were for me to roll around like this to help me recover from my stroke but she said that “your sister” could use them too since she’s had 3 kids.”
I checked – straight face
“Dad, you and “my sister” are going to SHARE those?!”
I had tears coming out of my eyes I was laughing so hard.
“Of course! Isn’t that nice? Now quit being so weird!”
Later when my Dad shows my sister the “gift” – she ran!!
My eyes are as big as Buick hubcaps. Yikes! I hope it all manages to stay put.
EEK!!! Just so you know vaginal prolapse is pretty rare
I just want to know…..
how the heck did Saffi already get to be 23+ days old already???!!!!!!
Phew!
Do not buy gadgets – just follow this woman’s way, who refers to herself as the Kegel Queen.
(Alyce Adams) The basic info is that most of us have been taught to do them incorrectly. The 100-200 per day that is often recommended is too much and can cause the problems you are trying to solve to be worse. A better goal is 30-45 a day, each held for 10 seconds. Squeeze vagina AND anus, but not abs, like you are trying to stop yourself from peeing and farting at the same time. Start squeezing on the exhale, hold for 10 1-second breaths doing shallow breaths, release. Aim for 12 per session, 3-4 sessions a day.
And here I thought “fecal incontinence” was the worst birth-related side effect I’d ever heard.
PS…I giggled a bit at the line “like you are trying to stop yourself from peeing and farting at the same time” from the last commenter…cuz I’m real mature like that.
OMG ROFL *bwhahahahaha* I would have run too!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! good luck with the device!
OMG.
That is possible? I don’t think any body parts that are attached to yourself could ever fall off. Well, you can cut it off, but never let it fall off your body! Gosh, that freaked me out. x_x
(That story totally made me forget abt that cute baby!)
Hey, Erin. This is Cheryl Falk. So, I’m in nursing school, and I actually saw a prolapsed vagina last semester in clinical. Not my favorite day at clinical. But anyway, one way to prevent this is doing Kegel excerises, and you won’t have to buy anything. You should do them as often as you remember to during the day.