Over the last 2 weeks, I have dared to venture from home with the 3 littles in tow. Traipsing around town with a 2 yr old, a 1yr old and a newborn tends to attract attention. Everyone has something to say about my brood and heaven forbid Ive got all 5 with me- the stares are more then a little uncomfortable.
One phrase that has been, quiet unexpectedly, repeated by several folks is “professional mom” as in “Wow, look at you! You’ve got this situation totally under control, you’re like a professional mom or something!” Which, I smile and maybe blush a little because it’s far nicer to hear this then the folks who want to know if all my kids have the same baby-daddy but I must confess to you, dear readers, that accepting that assessment would be a total farce. I am ANYTHING but a professional mama.
Last Thursday, I took myself to the chiropractor and Saffi to the pediatrician. I loaded everyone up (which is quite a sight to see since I now have to climb into the trunk to reach over the seat so I can buckle Levi into his car seat), made certain I had diapers, wipes and a change of clothes for all, and 37 minutes after I started leaving the house we were finally on our way.
The chiropractor was unremarkable aside from the horrific symphony of adjustment noises my body emitted- Saffi’s labor was not so kind to my body, particularly my left hip. Prior to leaving there, I paused for 10 minutes to nurse Saffi because there was no way she was going to survive the 1.5 mile drive between my doctor and her’s. Trust me, she told me and everyone else within earshot that this was so.
Once again, we loaded up, beating our 37 minute record by a whole 2 minutes. Levi was in the far back singing along to “Put a ring on it,” which is the cutest dang thing ever because he often says “wadies” instead of ladies. The only thing that comes close on the awesome scale of cuteness is when he sings Better Then Ezra’s song “Juicy” (yes, I know I totally need to document these both on video).
So, we are driving along with Levi singing when Saffi starts WAILING, prompting Levi to scream sing louder. “Awl da single wadies, put your hands up!” and then this sound RIPS through the car “OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH NO NO, Ut oh oh oh oh oh oh Mama, Saffi poop!”
Sonofa….
In the pediatrician’s parking lot I pull Saffi from her seat and discover that she’s off loaded a pile equal to her in size. I lay her down on a waterproof pad that I keep in the car, covering it in poo. I peel off her outfit, further covering her in poo. I scrap the car seat situation into a little plastic bag and start wiping Saffi up. Next I rediaper her and slide on a new outfit which suddenly starts oozing poop from her sleeves. Apparently she crapped in her armpits- something a “professional mom” would have looked for. Further damning me to ordinary mom status? That was my only backup outfit for Saffi. Who thinks that they are going to need 12 outfits when you are less then 5 miles from your own home? A professional mom, that’s who.
Of course, it’s a COLD and windy Florida day. Who would have seen THAT coming? A professional mom, from a mile away. But, as we have already established, I’m no professional mom and at this point we are late for Saffi’s appointment so I do what any practical but kind of slack ass mom would do- I stuck her diapered yet otherwise naked body in my ring sling, cinched her up tight, stuck a hat on her head, and strutted into her appointment.
Professional mom? *Snort*
And, this is EXACTLY why I was thinking this morning that I’ve been missing the Fidget blog updates! LOL – it sounds like you are trying to keep your sense of humor thru it all! I may well have just stuck Saffi in something of Bo’s… but your solution sure worked (and THAT my dear, is (to me) the sign of a professional mom!!!!)
Oh yes…pooping armpits. I remember those. My kid had to ride home naked once…not even a diaper because I totally forgot the diaper bag on the landing. It was a 40 minute trip.
#1 – You are most certainly a professional mom. We all are… sort of.
)
#2 – Professional mom’s are the classiest of wadies.
#3 – Get yourself a drink. You deserve it
Professionalism is not being shaken by the unexpected and getting the job done anyway
Hi Fidget – Motherhood is quite an adventure, not two days are the same. I too, am the mother of two 12 months a week apart…a boy and a girl. They are now 26 and 27—he…he…Things do get easier as they get older. I think every mother has had a poop incident. I remember when it happened to me on my way to Panama….as the plane was getting ready to land. I remember like it happened yesterday.
By the way I made the green crochet hat that you won on the giveaway. I’ve relisted that same hat again. Saffi is adorable and so beautiful. I really appreciate very much the picture.
The only professional mom is a nanny since you know they actually get payed to do what we do for free. Just this morning I had a poop incident as well. I go to pick up the baby as we are rushing out the door for school only to feel some squishy. It was all over and ended up being smeared all over his sheets while I was trying to change him and get him presentable with out being late to school. Truly he needed a bath but lived with just a lot of wet wipes.
hehehe… you totally are a professional mom… whatever the hell that means. i’m getting some business cards made.
people are such buttheads… i wrote a whole post a while back about the idiot things people think it’s ok to say when you’re toting around a bunch of little kids. ack. i love when they ask if you know how babies are made. um… duh?
I remember one particular diaper change, when my now 5 year old was less than 6 months old. I had to change her clothes AND my clothes.
Then I had to wash the curtains, wipe the walls with bleach and gasoline and I had to steam clean the carpets. How the hell did that happen?
LMAOOOOOOO……..pooped in her armpits? I don’t know about the whole professional mom thing but for a baby to do that..it takes talent!
remember when i threw nick up in the air while sitting in the recliner and he barfed in my mouth? That day i became a professional mom.You certainly are-be proud.
HAHAHA! That’s great! I had 4 kids and no pooping armpits….I guess I got lucky on that one. My first child was a puker. For the first 13 months of his life, he would puke after every. single. feeding. One day, his puking/pooping situation got so bad that we had to buy him a new outfit cuz we had run out of spare outfits….and we were less than a mile from home when this occurred.
First of all I did not even know you had another baby. I know I had been top your blog since you had your last baby so I must have thought the pics were old ones. I remember when you had just one and now you have five!
She is very, very cute
My first and 2nd ones both had blowouts like you described. It goes all the way up their back. Not fun and yes, a horrible mess.