AWWWWW!

It’s a damn good thing that Levi is so cute. He was partially responsible for my mini heart attack and sudden explosion of gray hair Thursday night. I bet you want to hear all about that!! We’ll let me take you back *****

Thursday evening, the girls have been tucked in, Boden is sleeping and Levi is in the master bedroom with The Hubster getting ready for bed. I sit down and start slogging through my email *delete, delete, delete* when I stumble across a freaky deaky string of comments waiting for approval. They were sent through a proxy server so I know it’s someone trying to irritate me. I start moving them to the file fold I keep with any and all freaky, threatening or over the top weird communications I receive as a result of this here blog. the phone starts ringing and a glance at the caller ID tells me it’s my city’s police department.

Hello?

Hello there, this is *my city’s* police, we just received a 911 hang up call from your home. Is everything ok ma’am?

*cue creepy music*

um, that’s not possible. There is no emergency here

can you confirm your phone number ma’am?

*says number*

yes ma’am *repeats number* just logged a hang up call to our 911 system. Are you located at *says addy*

um, yes

Mrs Fidget, are you in the house alone?

*me flashes back to a novel I read in my youth and begins to panic and sweat*

My husband and children are home but the children are in bed sir

Can you please check on them for me?

TROOOOY!!!!!

uh yeah.. Levi had the phone and dialed 911111224411711

They had to send an officer out to make sure there is no emergency. After the police left I told The Hubster that we should have offered them cake because once Levi figures out the 911 trick I bet he’ll be calling them all.the.time. just to see their cool cars pull up in front of the house. Maybe if they think we have cake, they won’t be so pissed. Of course, we could always distract them from the issue at hand by flashing our cute baby at them

We miss you.

Levi loved it and now Bo does too.

Firstively I have proof of my bangliness.

WOOO! Hawt mama! I think my next move will be to get them Betty Page’d. RRRRrrrrrrow~ !

Seconditively, I am 3/4 a way through a glass of wine (1st drink in a year) so this may be riddled with typos and tend to ramble off on weird tangents… I mean worse then usual.

Thirditively, there was a mishap with the fabulous hair of the Fidget clan men. As I well know, hair mishaps happen but to suffer a duel blow and have paid for it? HEINOUS! FOUL! And tear inducing. My boy, the sunshine of my life, the one with the great hair

now looks like an Army recruit.

We had no choice but to buzz him. Really, it’s true. When we got home from the hair cutters butchers this is how my poor lil guy looked

It’s all lumpy, bumpy, chunky and just plain wrong!

I MIGHT have blamed it on a wiggly toddler except the same chick totally butchered The Hubster too! His hair is sticking up funny and one of his ears is totally white walled *shakes head in sorrow*

With every passing moment I was growing more and more irate. The hair choppers was now closed so I couldn’t even vent my rage on them and instead gave The Hubster permission to do something I’ve always denied him the pleasure of doing - shaving Levi’s head.

Thoroughly delighted with finally having obtained permission, The Hubster set to work

Of course, he was totally lacking the proper shearing implement and instead tried completing his task using the cooter cutters. Now this thing may do a stunning job on my crotch carpet, but the quality on head hair is just not there.

no matter how hard you try

Stunning

so I ended up at Target (for the 5th time this week) buying a hair shaving kit. When I got home Levi had an angry monkey flip out. I personally think it was because The Hubster was in the tequila while i was gone and Levi feared for his ears

(OMG Mom, Dad’s been in the sauce while you were out, don’t let him near me with clippers! My ears, dear god, think of my ears!)

Despite the margaritas.. or maybe because of? Things proceeded nicely

Of course right around this point

when I noticed my chubby cheeked little baby was being sheared into a little man, I hit the Pinot Grigio (sometimes mommy needs a little help coping).

But in the end, about $50 and 8 hours after the first lock of hair fell over at Not SO Great Clips, things turned out ok

that is if ok means mommy bursts into tears every time she looks at her bald headed boy.

Pardon me while I get a bit misty eyed and sappy on you

All my babies

have worn this outfit

Amazingly, it’s one of the precious few items that survived the great baby clothes wipe out without a spot, stain or mold spore. There were a few other things I held on to for sentimental purposes but most are covered in yellow mystery stains and speckled with mold spots. If you look in the corner of this photo, you can tell that Levi is wearing it too

For some reason, this silly little thing, makes my heart sing

People often comment on the size of my family, something I find rather laughable as I only have 4 kids- around here, though, that’s a big ol’ mess of youngins’. “Wow, are they all yours?” “Don’t you know what causes that yet?” “You must have your hands full” and my favorite “Why?!?!”

This is why

In the near future, there will come a day when I don’t have to take the trash out anymore. It’s good to start training them young so that day comes much quicker.

I just realized that today is my due date. Now if I was this big FOUR days before I had Bo (5 weeks ago) then imagine how massive I’d be today.

Thankfully, though, instead of cutting the side of my house open and schlepping me downtown on a flat bed trailer, I have a beautiful

although colicky

5 week old baby boy

Hair boredom is striking again. It’s summer, so of course I am wracked with the urge to lop off a foot of hair and flounce around town in a short sassy ‘do. But, once again I’m trying to fight the urge for my husband’s sake. He’s a long hair man apparently, which I find kind of funny because we met while I was in the midst of growing out a super short hair style. He must have seen my long hair aura or maybe it was my tits. They could make any man over look a lack of hair.

Since I’m STILL sleeping in the dinning room, I don’t want to do anything that might plunge the Hubster into a depressive malaise further delaying him finishing up the piddly stuff he’s already avoiding doing to get us back in our room. This leaves me with few hair alteration options. I could dye it but with a newborn I’m not down with the potential chemical load. I could trim it (booooooooooorrrrrrrrriiiing) or I could go for an over all design restructuring. What do you think? Could I go from

to a banged beauty

without looking like a member of the cast of Napoleon Dynamite

AH HA! There you are Mr Hand; so nice to see you again

Now that the idle pleasantries are out of the way, let’s get down to business

MMM! You taste delectable!