Finding Yourself Despite Yourself » pregnancy

Holy Schiznit, Ya’ll! This ain’t gonna be pretty

fidget — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 05:04:45 +0000

Something you all may not know: I have 5 kids (not like I talk about them ALL.THE.TIME. or anything, ahem). And of those 5, 3 have shown up BOOM (07) BOOM (08) BOOM (09), resulting in BAM:

AVERT YOUR EYES!

Current stats:

weight: 217lbs
bust: 44.5 inches
waist: 41.5 inches
hips: 48 inches
thigh: 28 inches

Current plan of attack:

Hold me, I’m scared!

Trying to piece it together: the arrival of Saffi Ann

fidget — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:11:12 +0000

I kept opening this page and staring blankly at the screen. The words just would not come. I could prattle on endlessly about the kids, about how Saffi has just fallen right into our family rhythm without us skipping a beat but I have been tearfully struggling to piece together her birth story.

My best guess as to why is that I am still in shock.

The third trimester was anything but peaceful. First I was hospitalized with the flu, then I was told her growth curve dropped sharply and that I had too much fluid (both most likely a direct result from having pig flu). Before I could even begin to absorb the last two bits of news, I sat down, put my feet up (as ordered) and POP! my water broke at 33 weeks and 6 days gestation.

I should have seen it coming. I had been complaining about feeling “off” for two days prior and I know my body- it was talking to me and I was stubbornly not listening.

The volume of fluid that poured out of me as I darted across the house to the bathroom was staggering. The Hubster started rushing around, dressing kids and shoving stuff into bags. My bag was ready but I had not packed anything for the kids. Dinner was pulled from the oven, wrapped in towels and hucked into the car so the kids’ Auntie would have something to feed them. I stuck a diaper in my pants and did my best to help get us out the door.

At this point we were PANICKED. Bo’s labor was only 5 hours long and I did not realize it was actually REAL labor for the first 3 of that. With Bo, my water broke and less then 5 minutes later he was laying, stunned, on the end of the hospital bed. We both felt that any moment the baby might just decide to walk right out and the hospital is not exactly around the corner from our house.

I was not having contractions so much as constant waves of cramps with no determinable beginning or end. The most notable aspect was the fact that it felt like someone was shoving an icepick into my left hipbone. Sitting upright in the car was horribly unpleasant and I just about got out and walked when we found ourselves stuck in gridlock after having dropped the kids with family. As we sat there staring at brake lights, the cramping broke up into contractions… very slow and spaced contractions.

And here is where I get stuck. I checked into triage, they took me back immediately and moved me upstairs to a labor suite. Giving my history of shorter labors with the last 3 kids (5hours, 7 hours, and 5 hours), they prepped the baby things, pushed in a delivery supply cart and I stalled. I was dilated 3 – 4 and 70% effaced but the baby was up in my ribs and my contractions petered out. I was given a steroid shot to help mature the baby’s lungs; then for the next 4 hours I rested between contractions and waited for midnight to come. The hospital wanted me to technically be 34 weeks before they augmented my labor with the evil that is pitocin.

Here’s the part of the story I have trouble telling…. I start thinking about the next 19 hours and feel sad, panicky, and tired. I can still feel the ache of my body as it rode the contractions, which grew tougher and harder as the pit was cranked higher. As time went on and I found myself stuck at 6 and 7 for several hours, I had to endure “the talk” You know, the one about having a Csection and the debate over whether I could get an epidural or would have to be knocked out due to the blood thinners I take and I sobbed. Then, I found out that the doctor who had been so patient with me, riding out all this non progress and telling me that it was not a big deal, that we had time was going off shift and the one doctor in the practice whom I hate and do not trust was coming on duty and that with my water having been broken for nearly 24 hours I was on a tight time line and this man might have to cut me open- I had a holy motherfucking breakdown. My L&D nurse felt so badly that she promised me we’d be having a baby before she left my side- true to her word, nurse Amee stayed past her shift to see me deliver.

For hours I rocked side to side on my feet, I rocked front to back on my knees, I bounced on a birthing ball, I laid on my left and then my right. I moaned and growled through contractions and something different happened- I started talking to the baby, calling her by name “Come on Saffi, Mama needs you to move down. Come on Saffi” The Hubster and I just knew it was destined to be her name, unusual since we’ve never named a baby we had not laid eyes on.

The Hubster was my rock in all of this. Cool, levelheaded and supportive. He held my hand when I needed it, caught me when the contractions would buckle my knees, wiped away my tears, and brushed my hair to calm me when I got flat out hysterical.

When I dilated to 9 I started doing little grunting pushes with the contractions. It wasn’t intentional but as I did it, I could feel Saffi moving lower. The nurse, at this point, had me flat on my back, hoping that the lip of cervix still left at the top would go away. It felt like Saffi was stuck just under my pelvic “sit bones” and I could do nothing but thrash and scream at the top of my lungs. At one point, just before I pushed for real I let out a scream so animalistic and beastly that the entire room froze (3 nurses, 2 NICU staff, & the regular baby wranglers). Truthfully, I remember this time with much embarrassment. I was so tired, hungry, and overwrought that I completely lost control of my senses.

The nurse who had just come on duty was trying to take charge of the situation but nurse Amee was refusing to leave until I delivered. The new nurse stood at my side smashing the fetal heart tones monitor against my lower abdomen in such a way that it felt like she was holding the baby back from making her entrance. I can remember rearing up off the bed and yelling at her to stop touching me when I suddenly had to push. There was no counting, no breaking the bed down I.just.pushed. “I can see her head, Erin!” The Hubster said in my ear and upon hearing that I stopped thinking about the pain, the people, the upset and kept pushing. I pushed 3 times during 1 contraction and there was Saffi with the cord around her neck and twisted all over her body. Nurse Amee welcomed her into the world and that doctor I hate? He walked in a minute later, looked me over and went back to the OR to finish up a Csection.

Who the hell would have thought that my 5th baby would be one of my more challenging births? I have no idea how I survived 19 hours of pitocin with no medicinal pain relief. I clearly remember sometime around hour 20 of labor telling The Hubster that he owed me at least one more baby after this- one that would walk out the right way nice and easy.

She was totally worth it though

Announcing our early arrival

fidget — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:41:37 +0000

Saffi Ann arrived 6 weeks early on 10/16/09 at 7:04pm after more then 25 hours of labor, 19 of which was augmented with pitocin. She weighed in at 5 lbs 7oz and is 20 inches long.

(click to see more pics)

so similar it’s freaky

fidget — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 17:34:23 +0000

I thought they looked alike, but I did not realize I was having a female Levi

*cue twilight zone music*

In other cuteness, Bo has been in a super smiley, cuddly, happy mood. I’ll take it!

Wordless Wednesday: Utterly Awesome

fidget — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 00:42:50 +0000

Pregnancy cravings

fidget — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 17:52:11 +0000

It’s funny how INTENSE the need for a particular food can become while pregnant- all consuming even. Last night on twitter I mentioned how horribly badly I NEEDED a Frosty, how the only thing stopping me was the sideways rain and flash flooding streets (note this was not actually stopping me, The Hubster hiding my car keys so I would not venture back out into such weather was stopping me).

Apparently my cries for sweet Frosty satisfaction touched a nerve with fellow preggo, Heather who threatened to make me pay for cross craving contamination (dude, Wendy’s why aren’t you any closer to Heather’s house?)

And I felt for her, I mean I knew how urgently she needed a Frosty but being thousands of miles away on the opposite coast I could do nothing but offer her this solemn promise:

and being a woman of my word, dear Heather, this is for you

*note that is not actually 1/2 of a large Frosty, more like a 5th because HELLO Frosty needs to be in ma bellah

Baby Names: beating a dead horse

fidget — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 02:20:50 +0000

I was so hopeful, things started out promising. I avoided nagging him and he soon came around to discussing names. The man who had a bird named bird, named our first dog after his nephew and pretty much refused to discuss names until our last son was actually born, leaving wee #4 nameless for several days WANTED to discuss names.

Yeah, HA! More like he wanted to shoot down my entire list, make no suggestions and then fall asleep mid discussion. I should have seen this coming right?

(Big sigh)

So we have 2 names he likes:

Bridget and Fiona

and I can’t say that I am really feeling either of them right now.

Bridget isn’t bad but I have a picture of what Bridget looks and acts like in my mind and I don’t know that she will match up with that (I had the same thoughts on the name Donovan and Bo came out 180 degrees from who Donovan was in my mind).

Fiona is a name I’ve liked for awhile but there’s that whole Shrek thing and even more annoying is how Mira chews on the name when she says it: FEE-OWN-NAH. Every.single.time.

Instead of jabbing sharpened pencils into my ears every time she utters Fiona, I’d pick a nickname and run with it but Fifi isn’t exactly my style (read GAG) which would leave us with… uhh Na Na? No thanks.

So we have Bridget

and I’m not sure I’m content with that.

Couldn’t wait till Wednesday: 4D ultrasound images

fidget — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 17:58:04 +0000

The interwebz is giving me a complex

fidget — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 05:56:49 +0000

I belong to a message board that has “Due Date” clubs where all the women are all due in the same month. It’s nice to be able to go on there and ask embarrassing questions, find other moms going through similar medical situations, and have people tell you that your gut looks great.

it looks great right? RIGHT?

Well, these due date clubs can also be vehicles of evil. Case in point, someone posted this link and for some ungodly reason I plugged in my numbers. Just knowing and having it screaming at you on your computer screen are two entirely different experiences:

GAH! Must cleanse soul

ahh better… though, admittedly, part of the problem. NOM NOM NOM!

Now, I fully know that my propensity for fresh baked gluten free goodies is not the best thing for my waistline, but I also know it’s not the only thing going on here. Yeah, I’m growing a baby and WOOT! I have the tendency to bloat up like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade float thanks to my crappy circulatory system. Add mass quantities of Florida summer heat and you’ve got a stunning case of cankles plus 7 lbs of pregnancy weight gain happening overnight- yes 7 freakin’ pounds.

I could force some of the water weight out by wrangling myself into compression hose but have you ever wrangled yourself into a sausage casing in 95+ degree heat? Trust me, it’s not comfortable.

So here I sit, ballooning up at an alarming rate. I’m pretty sure if I left my web cam on you could watch minute by minutes as my second third and fourth chins develop. Eventually I will be faced with taking it all off.

After Mira, I spent the first 3 months sweating from the mere act of breathing. I slept on towels so that half way through the night, i could just peel off the soaking wet towel and go back to sleep- 30 of my 70lb weight gain with her happened in the last month and was entirely water!

When Tessa was born I turned to workout videos and with diligence I got below my prepregnancy weight but after Levi I found myself in such poor shape i couldn’t even muster up enough strength to complete 10 minutes of the same videos! Bo forced me to drop the weight with a severe deprivation diet. I was happy I was able to nurse him by sticking to a strict diet of bland non offending foods but the sight of cake and pie would send me into foamy mouthed bouts of yearning lust.

This pregnancy has me so wiped out that I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to do to shed the weight. I’d love to get back into the gym but the cost is prohibitive. My neighborhood is not exactly safe for walking and in 7 years of entering sweepstakes I’ve yet to win a treadmill or elliptical machine. I’m thinking I have little choice but to get back into my workout DVDs.

warning: everything above this line has been pressing on my mind, everything below is a review of DVDs I was sent which pertain to these things that have been on my mind. I was not paid to review these items but I did receive them for free and dudes, I’m so sorry I don’t have swag copies to give away this time

So all of this has been on my mind and I get an email offering me workout DVDs – HELLO TIMING! So You Think You Can Dance Get Fit: Tone and Groove and So You Think You Can Dance Get Fit: Cardio Funk were both sent my way and I have to give a brief SQUEEE! because I have mad love for the show So You Think You Can Dance. The Hubster even watches it with me (and critiques the dancing routines which is totally HILARIOUS since we met in a dance hall but the man does not dance)

Both So You Think You Can Dance Get Fit: Tone and Groove and So You Think You Can Dance Get Fit: Cardio Funk are my speed. If you are a mega workout guru they will not be very challenging but if you are a workout novice or flabbarella like me (ahem) You will enjoy the pace.

The routines are well explained and some parts can get talky but I take that to = more time to catch my breath (wheeze wheeze). The movements are fun and look like they will provide benefits but you only do the steps 4ish times which doesn’t keep your heart rate up. My only other complaint is the wardrobe. Ok,so it’s a workout DVD but GOOD GOD PEOPLE can’t you look cute and workout at the same time? It often looks like the late 80s early 90s exploded on the cast. Overall, I can’t wait to give these a try after the baby comes because lord knows my lard butt will need all the help it can get.

Maybe I should start a betting pool on how fat my ass will get over the next 13-18 weeks…

Obviously, he’s a pie eating zombie

fidget — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 15:51:23 +0000

What other explanation could there be? What sane, life lovin’ man would eat the last of the key lime pie knowing full well it is one of his very pregnant wife’s massively overwhelming and demanding food cravings?

Do you see this deliciousness?

I wept. Honestly, I openly wept when the man told me he couldn’t help himself and ate it all. Like I said, there is just no other reasonable explanation….