Forgive me readers for I have sinned. Just a short week ago I asked ya’ll for some decorating help. I have to admit I was not entirely forth coming with you. Yes, we are working on getting our nursery done, but why? Why now after nearly a year of procrastination? Well, happily we got just the kick in the pants we needed to spur a flurry of activity. Remember how I mentioned a nice big fat carrot? Here’s our carrot:
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Darvocet disrupts the natural order of bowels. Baby responds with green poop, Mama responds with no poop

Gather ’round ye bloggosphere, it’s that time again. Step up, unburden your soul and seek to reap the rewards of bringing a good laugh to others.

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned, it has been several weeks since my last confession. This week has been fraught with mucus. It has packed my sinuses, squirted from my eyeballs and dripped from my ears.

Today as I lay in bed with my tiny nursling, a sneeze most gigantic wracked my body. A fountain of clear snort rocketed from my nostril straight into the air. From my perspective it seemed to tickle the ceiling before descending back to earth with a sickening SPLAT. Plastered across my face it was, my friends. I could think of nothing but removing it from my eyebrows. My hand sought out the first thing I could find, it happened to be a nicely folded undershirt, and I mopped that magic nose goblin clean off. My nursling began to clamor for more teat, quickly all was forgotten.

Later The Hubster grabbed up said shirt and exclaimed “What the *****?” (I had to spare you dear reader, for it was a word most foul, one I’m sure will be repeated as my nursling’s first word because that is precisely my luck.)

Here dear reader is where I veer from the path of righteousness.

“EEEWWW that looks like a dog goober to me, darling dear Hubster of mine”

The dog looked at me with his soft brown eyes as if to say “What the ****?” Well, at least we know where the dog is getting his foul language from.

Step right up folks, the confessional booth is open. Wash those sins away and start you week anew! Who can’t use a little absolution? I hear it’s great for the soul.

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned. It has been a few weeks since my last confession and in that time I have been guilty of many transgressions. Thankfully I have avoided maiming anyone, despite the folks who tempt me daily. Unfortunately, though, I have also avoided exercising. This is a huge sin. I need regular work outs to keep the snarling grouchy mood beast at bay. Additionally, it provides me the benefit of ass shrinkage, which as was demonstrated to me yesterday, I so sorely need.

(begin flashback sequence)

Every time I walk into the bathroom and find the scale hanging out in the middle of the floor, I weigh myself. By leaving this up to the whims of my children and their scale playing agenda, I can weigh myself 5 or 6 times in a day or I may go months without checking my weight.

On Thursday I walked into the bathroom and tripped over the scale- time for a weigh in. It had probably been a week and I was pleased to see I was down 2 more pounds (go me). I pushed the scale back up under the vanity and continued on with my day.

Friday greeted me with the scale again and I was unable to avoid the OCD dance that forces me to step on the scale whenever it is left in plain view. I looked down and nearly fell over. My eyes bulged and my heart quickened. According to the scale I had lost 16 pounds IN ONE DAY!! I stood there frozen in thought. How could this be? I need to figure this out so I can make MILLIONS selling my diet plan to the world. I started thinking about hocking my diet plan on QVC and The Home Shopping Network, visions of infomercials danced in my head, and I started mentally paying off all of our debts. That is the point where cold hard reality could be felt pressed against my butt cheeks. I turned to look over my shoulder and realized my entire left ass cheek was perched on the sink. This was no heavenly miracle. Jesus did not turn my fat into money. I just merely had a Homer Simpson moment.

Come on in, the confessional booth is open. make sure to leave your blog link in the comments if you are posting your own weekend confessional.

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned. It’s been many many months since my last confession and I feel that I should unburden my soul. I have been working at losing my pregnancy weight but the last two days has me floundering. Hmm, maybe “floundering” is to generous of a term- flinging myself off the diet bridge into a harbor of hot fudge sauce might be more like it.

Last night I ate Cherry Vanilla Breyers with pecans for dinner. Dinner was so delicious that when I found The Hubster hiding in the kitchen this morning, eating straight from the carton, I was inspired to make breakfast. Ok, “make” is probably too generous a term. I scooped it out into two bowls and we both hoovered it while concealing the evidence from Tessa, who would have demanded a Breyers breakfast of her own had she discovered breakfast blunder.

Normally I wouldn’t be too bothered by this dietary deviation, but my stunning lack of exercise makes this a bit more worrisome. Lately, rolling from my left to right side for Levi’s feedings has been the extent of my workout.

Oh thank God, I feel better. Step on into the confessional booth and let it all hang out, I promise to go easy on the Hail Marys.