It’s the only reasonable conclusion. Three times in the last 3 weeks I’ve had purchased items go missing between the store and my house.
1 Shampoo
2 hair pomade
3 wine
So it seem our Gremlin has gotten all spiffed up on my dime and is now out to woo some Gremwoman with our box of wine - oh shut up you know box wine hot rocks- No way I left stuff in my cart 3 times, I can’t be THAT much of a dingus! It would seem that there is no other explanation then Gremlins, who I can only conclude that by now are very very drunk Gremlins. My husband, who wishes he was very very drunk right now, is voting dingus. If my kicking foot wasn’t all bruised and swollen from The Hubster’s entire ratchet set (308 pieces to be exact) pouring out of it’s holder like 6,000 pounds of stainless steel water onto my foot, then I would kick him in the nads for suggesting such a thing.
No, you’re not nuts (well maybe you are but you aren’t imagining what you just read- he ATE antiperspirant) Why? I know not. What I do know is that as I stepped out of the shower I spotted Levi chomping on something. Upon closer inspection it was white and schmeared all over his face… and smelled remarkable clean. On the ground behind his feet was my deodorant minus one large half moon of product. I gagged a bit and then jammed my fingers into his mouth, sweeping the wet crumbs out and getting bitten in the process. My life saving efforts were met with much disapproval from the young prince who apparently finds Degree pure clean antiperspirant thoroughly delicious. He even stomped his foot and threw himself to the ground when I picked up the container and tossed it into the trash. MMMMMM armpit-alicious. Kids are weird
Well at least my friend doesn’t. The alternate title for this series is ‘Epitome of Laziness’. The dressing room was a whole 50 or so paces away, 50 steps people! Why bother when you can kneel down in the middle of Target and get all Clockwork Orange
10 years and one month ago I developed a penicillin allergy. After years of being pumped full of the stuff, one shot of the straight up big P (for a severe throat infection) was enough to send me over the edge. I broke out head to toe in a flush itchy and eventually welty rash. I was locked up in a room, given some sort of “antidote” shot and watched like a hawk for 3 hours before they turned me loose. I haven’t touched it since. Well until yesterday.
Levi is sick. He’s got some upper respiratory creeping funk that has been lingering for over 2 weeks. When he started wheezing i whisked him off to the doctor who diagnosed some reactive airway crap due to infection. We talked about the family history with the big P and the antibiotic resistance the current respiratory infection dejur is displaying. In the end I agreed to Omnicef a penicillin derivative but not the straight up stuff.
I was extremely nervous about this particular script. A few years ago The Hubster used the EXACT medication and had a very bad reaction that made it seem as though his heart was going to explode. It was a night of sheer terror and several subsequent cardiologist visits…… but on the flip side Tessa took this very same script at three months old when we all caught bronchitis- with zero ill effects. I balanced the pros and cons, eventually deciding to fill the script.
Last night was his first dose which was chased with some grape juice and about 30 minutes later with some anuhnuh (boob juice). I then whisked the young master off to bed and started to notice I felt very warm. I looked in the mirror and realized I was blotchy. I went to grab the camera and spots started appearing. I snapped a few pictures and then my head started itching like crazy. Whiling clawing at my head I noted the patches and spots creeping down my chest and arms. PENICILLIN!
Here is one of the pictures I snapped when things first started flaring
you can sort of see the spots near the back of my eyebrows and down on my throat near my fingers. The patchy parts that aren’t freckles were starting to raise up by this point.
Once I realized what was to blame, I sprinted off to the meds closet and tossed back two Benedryl. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve taken an antihistamine and a very very long time since I’ve taken 2 pills verses one. I had planned on taking more pictures but I quickly got to feeling woozy and pretty much blacked out in bed.
Today Mira was over 2 hours late for school because I was still doped up on Benedryl when I awoke blindly stumbled from bed to pee and feed the small minions. Tonight I’m bumping his meds to before dinner. Hopefully din din will wash out any lingering penicillin particles and leave me reaction free when I breastfeed him a few hours later. If not, I will be calling the doctor to request a different script and of course blacking out tonight to avoid clawing off all of my flesh.
So you’d like to dye your baby? Flesh tones too passe for you? Here at Finding Yourself Despite Yourself we like to cater to the eccentric parent by providing you with useful information you might not find elsewhere and as is such, today we offer you this baby color changing tutorial.
First thing you need to decide is what fashionable color you want your babe to be. In this tutorial we will be aiming for a purpley blue tone. Next you need to strip your baby down as bare as you can while still containing an raw sewage spills. Then place baby in a secure location like a highchair and apply dying agent. To achieve our desired look we’ve offered Levi frozen blueberries. Once intermingled with saliva, the now mash blueberries form a lovely paste which when applied to flesh for extended periods of time (say longer then 45 minutes) provides your baby with a lovely festive and fashionable hue. Our baby dying was such a rousing success that 12 hours later other concerned parents were inquiring about the temperature of my son as his “lips and hands look a bit chilled” In 80 degree weather? HA! I call that a well executed baby color change!
You can find other, slightly less eccentric, instructions for life here.
With a little dog hair, a lot of construction dust and a big ol’ whole house fan you too could have an indoor weather phenomenon! Rockabilly music is entirely optional.
Now just imagine if you will, that very same room sans tornado and 1/3 of the way covered in FLOORING *shrieks and faints*
With the house nearing completion I’m going to have to get organized. Thankfully, I’ve already started! Now if someone could just come and handle the rest, I’d be good to go.
They are “O hunting” today on Word World. My children can’t figure out why I laugh maniacally every time one of the characters mentions “O hunting.” It doesn’t help when one declares “There goes that O again!” I’m so mature, ahem.
I picked up my cell phone to call a long time friend who I’d not spoken with in months. I just suddenly out of the blue had the urge to call. As I scrolled through my cellphone’s phone book and landed on his name, my cellphone rang in my hand… dude, he was calling me!
